There was shock and disbelief amongst Rochdale motorists yesterday as the police went out and caught a murderer, instead of stopping poor innocent speed enthusiasts.

Events unfolded during rush hour yesterday when police observed an Audi A8 travelling close to light speed outside a school. When they stopped the car, the driver Alan Cokeynde immediately launched into a tirade of abuse about how this was the 3rd time he’d been stopped this week for not doing anything, and how they should go out and catch proper criminals and murderers. It was at this point that a man leapt from the roadside bushes and stabbed Mr Cokeynde in the neck with a garden fork.  The man was immediately arrested on suspicion of murder.

The arresting officer, PC Bryan Gade takes up the story,

“Well as expected I got the usual tirade from Mr Cokeynde. I was about to explain that yes, the next time someone breaks the law directly in front of me like he had just done, that I would deal with that person as the law proscribes, when very unfortunately and quickly he was stabbed to death right in front of me. I of course arrested the perpetrator, and I like to think that in his last gurgling moments Mr Cokeynde saw me doing so and felt a kind of consolation.”

Mr Cokeynde has been disqualified from driving for a year and his family have 30 days to pay the £100 fine.

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