Transport

Ryanair have admitted that their latest cost-cutting measure, planes without pilots, has not been a complete success. The airline, famed for its no-frills stance, with optional extras generally costing more than the actual ticket, had...

Thousands of commuters are experiencing slightly better service than normal this morning as members of the RMT union have gone on strike. "I knew my train had been cancelled an hour beforehand, " Said Mary...

The BBC has announced that Jo Swinson will replace Michael Portillo as host of the show, in much the same way as a smug self-important high profile politician losing their seat will henceforth be...

Lord Chris Greyling, Secretary of State for Transport, revealed this afternoon that the government is considering changing its mind over HS2 out of health and safety concerns. The major concern stems from the worry that...

It was reported this morning that Southern Rail are headhunting Sean Spicer to be the new, reassuring voice of the beleaguered train service. It's thought that managing the press relations with the travelling public in...

Ryanair's Michael O'Leary has told passengers that the airline will start offering people a punch in the face for as little as £12.99 from next month. In an announcement the airline said, "We were in...

British Airways CEO Alex Cruising has spoken at his joy over the airline being awarded the shambolic Southern Rail Service. "We can do this." He beamed in front of reporters. "We can really utilise the...

News is coming in this morning of a terrible incident in central London that has left dozens dead and many hundreds horribly wounded. Eyewitnesses have described a huge steam explosion in Westminster that authorities have...

Southern announced today that the endless years of appalling service were over. "We've been building to this moment." Someguywhohatespeoplesaid. "And today I can announce that we're replacing all our trains.” It seems the move was prompted by reports...

Ryanair CEO Michael O-Leary is in the crosshairs again today amidst allegations that he hit an asian doctor around the back of the head with a blackjack and forcibly dragged him aboard a Ryanair...

Reports are coming in that a man is being described as a total hero after he used his hazard warning lights to tell the cars behind him that the cars in front of him...

Birmingham Airport officials have announced they've accidentally started a Windows 10 update. The update is alleged to have caused the air traffic control centre to close down. A spokesman told us, "At 3 this afternoon...

London's continued plans to absorb the entirety of Great Britain into the never ending tentacles of its grotesque boundaries were handed a huge boost today. Transport For London excitedly announced news of a deal...

Following the success of the reintroduction of beavers to Scotland, experts are planning to repeat the experiment with the rare and previously thought extinct Southern Train. Beavers, once natural to Great Britain, have successfully re-established...

26 to 30 year old commuters were said to be jubilant today after Philip Hammond announced that from April 2018 it will be 30% to not get to work with Southern Rail. Philip Hammond told...

Reports from south London this afternoon state there was a dramatic and disturbing experience for dozens of Southern passengers when their train actually moved. The incident has been described by rail transport experts as unprecedented...