Sean Spicer to be the reassuring new voice of Southern Rail

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It was reported this morning that Southern Rail are headhunting Sean Spicer to be the new, reassuring voice of the beleaguered train service. It's thought...

Michael O’Leary knocks doctor unconscious and drags him onto underbooked Ryanair flight

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Ryanair CEO Michael O-Leary is in the crosshairs again today amidst allegations that he hit an asian doctor around the back of the head...
Ryanair

Ryanair cancel 18,000 flights following huge increase in customer satisfaction

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Ryanair have announced the cancellation of 18,000 flights. The cancellations affect 40,000 people with many Rochdale residents hopeful they'll be affected. A spokesman for Ryanair...

Service improves slightly as RMT union goes on strike

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Thousands of commuters are experiencing slightly better service than normal this morning as members of the RMT union have gone on strike. "I knew my...
Southern Rail

Not getting to work with Southern Rail now 30% cheaper for 27 year olds

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26 to 30 year old commuters were said to be jubilant today after Philip Hammond announced that from April 2018 it will be 30%...
Southern Rail

British Airways Awarded Southern Rail Franchise

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British Airways CEO Alex Cruising has spoken at his joy over the airline being awarded the shambolic Southern Rail Service. "We can do this." He...
Ryanair

Ryanair trials passengerless planes

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Following the success of Google's driverless car experiments, Ryanair CEO Michael O'Leary has announced plans to shift the entire airline to passengerless planes. O'Leary said...
Kings Cross Commuters

Railway commuters told to save money by becoming drug addicts and losing their jobs

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Railway commuters have been told that it will now cost at least one internal organ for them to travel to work this year. Costs...

United Airlines passengers have it easy, complain Ryanair passengers

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Following reports of a United Airlines passenger being violently removed from an overbooked flight on Sunday, angry Ryanair passengers have demanded to know why...
Trucks

Driverless Lorries to throw bottles of piss out of windows and murder hitch-hikers by...

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In a dramatic step of unmanned vehicle technology, unmanned lorries will be distributing litter at motorway junctions and "disappear" young hitchhikers by the end...

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