Jo Swinson to present new series of ‘Great British Railway Journeys’

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The BBC has announced that Jo Swinson will replace Michael Portillo as host of the show, in much the same way as a smug self-important high profile politician losing their seat will henceforth be...
Ryanair

Birmingham Airport begins Windows 10 update

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Birmingham Airport officials have announced they've accidentally started a Windows 10 update. The update is alleged to have caused the air traffic control centre to close down. A spokesman told us, "At 3 this afternoon...
Southern Rail

Southern Rail To Unveil New Passengerless Trains By 2018

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Southern Rail have announced the latest innovation to their transport, passengerless trains. Following the announcement of a move to driverless trains, bosses have decided to phase out passengers too. “It’s all quite logical really,” CEO Rex...

Dozens dead after Chris Grayling attempts to make cup of tea

News is coming in this morning of a terrible incident in central London that has left dozens dead and many hundreds horribly wounded. Eyewitnesses have described a huge steam explosion in Westminster that authorities have...
Fast Train

Getting from Leeds to Manchester 15 minutes quicker is top priority, says leader of...

The leader of a country full of hungry and homeless children has pledged to deploy all possible resources to shortening commuting times between Leeds and Manchester by 15 minutes.  "Reducing the time it takes to...

Bus driver not a bastard

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Commuters in Ormskirk were shocked today when a bus driver actually waited at a bus stop to allow a late arriving passenger to sprint down the road and catch her bus. Passengers already seated...

Southern Rail passengers treated for nausea after train unexpectedly moves

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Reports from south London this afternoon state there was a dramatic and disturbing experience for dozens of Southern passengers when their train actually moved. The incident has been described by rail transport experts as unprecedented...

United Airlines passengers have it easy, complain Ryanair passengers

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Following reports of a United Airlines passenger being violently removed from an overbooked flight on Sunday, angry Ryanair passengers have demanded to know why they can't be treated with the same level of dignity. Several...

Ryanair to start offering passengers a punch in the face for £12.99

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Ryanair's Michael O'Leary has told passengers that the airline will start offering people a punch in the face for as little as £12.99 from next month. In an announcement the airline said, "We were in...
Southern Rail

Southern Rail hire United Airlines CEO to improve customer service

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Sir Horton Brown, head of Southern Rail’s parent Go Ahead and Govia companies is to be replaced this week by the CEO of United Airlines in a bid to improve customer relations. Lord Littleroom, the...

Socialist FURIOUS that train strike made him late for business meeting

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A self professed "die-hard Socialist" has admitted he's a bit pissed off with railway strikes. Chris P. Bacon told us, "I support the right to strike, of course I do, I just wish they'd do...

Ryanair cancels all flights to Russia

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Ryanair have announced today that it is cancelling all flights to Russia in 2018. The move that will be affecting almost no Irish passengers between June and July next year. The low-cost airline described the...
Daily Mail

“Travelling on virgin trains causes cancer” says Daily Mail

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Health experts for the Daily Mail have revealed new evidence that travelling on Virgin trains causes cancer. Daily Mail columnist, Biff Wellington told us, "We've looked at the data and there's a definite link. A...
Southern Rail

British Airways Awarded Southern Rail Franchise

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British Airways CEO Alex Cruising has spoken at his joy over the airline being awarded the shambolic Southern Rail Service. "We can do this." He beamed in front of reporters. "We can really utilise the...
Traffic

Total hero uses hazard warning lights to tell cars behind that cars in front...

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Reports are coming in that a man is being described as a total hero after he used his hazard warning lights to tell the cars behind him that the cars in front of him...

New bay platform at Rochdale station opens

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Great news for Rochdalians! As of October there are now 4- count em! 4- platforms at the beautiful train station! The new platform - actually a half platform half bay thing: a bayform or a platay?...

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