Jaguar Land Rover has told employees that by making them redundant they are carrying out the will of the British people.

Employee Bill Board told us, “It came as a shock at first and I was a bit worried but then they said that this was the will of 17 million people. Once you hear that you realise you’re not alone and that everything will be alright. After I left the meeting I saw the flag flying outside and my heart swelled. I’m sure everything will be fine now and I’ve got more time to learn the words to Rule Britannia.”

Analyst Stan Still said, “People will try to blame Brexit but it’s not. There’s a slowdown in car manufacturing and JLR expanding in other countries whilst not looking to expand in the UK is entirely characteristic of a company that sees a bright future in Brexit. It definitely doesn’t mean that they will reduce their presence here until they shut up shop entirely and relocate to Slovakia? I mean, they would be foolish to move everything to a factory in the EU with tariff free access to 500 million people when they could keep a factory in the UK which will be paying tariffs under WTO rules.”

Elsewhere, Jacob Rees-Mogg said, “These employees need to see this as an opportunity. Being made redundant from a well-paid job making cars will have prepared them perfectly for the challenges of picking fruit on a zero hour’s contract.”

One of the people told us, “They should think of Winston Churchill in The Gathering Storm. I worked for 40 years as a fork lift truck driver and voted to get sovereignty back. Once they understand this they’ll see what a boon it is to be made redundant. Anyway, got to go, I’m singing “We’ll meet again” at the pub in half an hour. Apples and Pears.”

Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.