A strike by Southern Rail drivers due on the 9th of January has now been put back until the 10th.

“We apologise for the late arrival of the strike,” said a spokesbloke for the RMT, “and we will do our our best to minimise any convenience that occurs as a result. These are circumstance beyond our control yadda yadda yadda.”

The strike was also expected to be 6 days long but will now be just 3 days in length.

“Due to unexpected lack of blockages on the picket line,” explained an Aslef representative, “we are unable to provide the strike for as long as promised but we do hope to improve the size of future strikes and are working with those bastards at Southern Rail to ensure that more strikes are necessary.”

Two of the days will be First Class and the other smaller day will be Standard Class.

“Aslef’s move shows pure contempt for the travelling public and it still causes massive disruption over next week.” Said a spokesgit for the company that has been cutting services and penny pinching since the day it got its grubby paws on the franchise, GTR.

“This is all about safety actually,” said Burton Pusher, a train driver, “Driver only trains could never work! Except in the rest of the country, obviously.”

We asked Said Git, a National Union of Rail Dependents member, for his views:

“Well, I use Southern Rail most days so these strikes really do have an effect on me. When there are strikes on I actually know which services are not going to fucking turn up as opposed to when there’s no strike and pretty much any train could be a no show.”