Transport

Great news for Rochdalians! As of October there are now 4- count em! 4- platforms at the beautiful train station! The new platform - actually a half platform half bay thing: a bayform or a platay?...

Budget pay and pray airline, Ryanair have decided to cancel flights due to staff realising their pay and conditions could be significantly improved if they no longer worked there. In a show of solidarity with...

A strike by Southern Rail drivers due on the 9th of January has now been put back until the 10th. "We apologise for the late arrival of the strike," said a spokesbloke for the RMT,...

In a surprising u-turn, The Daily Mail has reported that travelling on Virgin trains cures cancer. The report comes a week after it was reported by The Rochdale Herald that the Daily Mail was reporting...

Southern Rail have announced the latest innovation to their transport, passengerless trains. Following the announcement of a move to driverless trains, bosses have decided to phase out passengers too. “It’s all quite logical really,” CEO Rex...

26 to 30 year old commuters were said to be jubilant today after Philip Hammond announced that from April 2018 it will be 30% to not get to work with Southern Rail. Philip Hammond told...

Hundreds of thousands of rail passengers face actually going to work as the RMT told Southern Rail employees to actually do their jobs. Staff will walk-in for 48 hours at midnight. A further 24-hour working...

The latest figures covering deaths on American commercial airlines have shown a spectacular rise of OVER 1 MILLION per cent in 2017. The 2016 figure of ZERO deaths has suffered a million per...

The M62 was plunged into chaos last night following the removal of nearly 500 cat's eyes from the motorway at Junction 20 by the Animal Liberation Front (ALF). Shortly before nightfall at least eight hooded...

The European Automobile Manufacturers Association (ACEA: Association des Constructeurs Européens d'Automobiles) looks set to cease the production of right-hand drive vehicles by mid-2019. The decision comes after months of debate amongst its members, which include...

Health experts for the Daily Mail have revealed new evidence that travelling on Virgin trains causes cancer. Daily Mail columnist, Biff Wellington told us, "We've looked at the data and there's a definite link. A...

It has been revealed today that Dr David Dao, the passenger on a United Airlines flight who was beaten for sitting in a seat he paid for, once returned a library book a month...

British Airways CEO Alex Cruising has spoken at his joy over the airline being awarded the shambolic Southern Rail Service. "We can do this." He beamed in front of reporters. "We can really utilise the...

Following recent criticism from the rail regulator, Train operating companies (TOCs) are to make it easier for travellers to decide which has the worst service.  Public perception has been guided to the false assumption that...

Following the success of Google's driverless car experiments, Ryanair CEO Michael O'Leary has announced plans to shift the entire airline to passengerless planes. O'Leary said that the plan would maximise profits, as tickets would continue...

For the second time this week seasonally predictable temperatures have ground the railways to a virtual halt across the south and south-east of England. Ipswich-based commuters were offered free bottles of Ben Gummer's tears...