Transport

London's continued plans to absorb the entirety of Great Britain into the never ending tentacles of its grotesque boundaries were handed a huge boost today. Transport For London excitedly announced news of a deal...

Health experts for the Daily Mail have revealed new evidence that travelling on Virgin trains causes cancer. Daily Mail columnist, Biff Wellington told us, "We've looked at the data and there's a definite link. A...

Reports are coming in that a man is being described as a total hero after he used his hazard warning lights to tell the cars behind him that the cars in front of him...

Budget Irish airline Ryanair has fired the first salvo in it's threatened "summer fares war", but instead of cutting fares as everyone expected, CEO Michael O'Leary has surprised the industry by instead cutting the...

The conservative party proverbial plane has today fallen into a nose drive, falling by 10points in the polls over the weekend. The party's 3 top press correspondence officers have grabbed the emergency parachutes and have bailed out,...

Southern Rail have announced the latest innovation to their transport, passengerless trains. Following the announcement of a move to driverless trains, bosses have decided to phase out passengers too. “It’s all quite logical really,” CEO Rex...

Hundreds of thousands of rail passengers face actually going to work as the RMT told Southern Rail employees to actually do their jobs. Staff will walk-in for 48 hours at midnight. A further 24-hour working...

The latest figures covering deaths on American commercial airlines have shown a spectacular rise of OVER 1 MILLION per cent in 2017. The 2016 figure of ZERO deaths has suffered a million per...

Railway commuters have been told that it will now cost at least one internal organ for them to travel to work this year. Costs are said to be so high many would be better...

A strike by Southern Rail drivers due on the 9th of January has now been put back until the 10th. "We apologise for the late arrival of the strike," said a spokesbloke for the RMT,...

The news from TFL that taxi firm Uber will lose its licence to operate in London has devastated residents of the city's popular western boroughs. As a petition to overturn the decision moves past 400,000...

Ryanair have announced today that it is cancelling all flights to Russia in 2018. The move that will be affecting almost no Irish passengers between June and July next year. The low-cost airline described the...

Great news for Rochdalians! As of October there are now 4- count em! 4- platforms at the beautiful train station! The new platform - actually a half platform half bay thing: a bayform or a platay?...

The normally chipper blue tank engine Thomas has turned to social media to express his outrage at perceived delays in the Island of Sodor exiting the EU. “It’s an outrage said the outraged Engine we...

Ryanair have admitted that their latest cost-cutting measure, planes without pilots, has not been a complete success. The airline, famed for its no-frills stance, with optional extras generally costing more than the actual ticket, had...

Southern announced today that the endless years of appalling service were over. "We've been building to this moment." Someguywhohatespeoplesaid. "And today I can announce that we're replacing all our trains.” It seems the move was prompted by reports...