New bay platform at Rochdale station opens

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Great news for Rochdalians! As of October there are now 4- count em! 4- platforms at the beautiful train station! The new platform - actually a half platform half bay thing: a bayform or a platay?...

Passengers of runaway train have pointless argument over who should pretend they’re driving

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May means May Passengers on the 11:12 Eurostar return to Britain have had a pointless argument over who is driving.  The train, which is rapidly descending below the sea, has not had anyone in control...

Daily Mail reveals that travelling on Virgin trains cures cancer

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In a surprising u-turn, The Daily Mail has reported that travelling on Virgin trains cures cancer. The report comes a week after it was reported by The Rochdale Herald that the Daily Mail was reporting...
Daily Mail

“Travelling on virgin trains causes cancer” says Daily Mail

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Health experts for the Daily Mail have revealed new evidence that travelling on Virgin trains causes cancer. Daily Mail columnist, Biff Wellington told us, "We've looked at the data and there's a definite link. A...
Range Rover

It’s the will of the people – Jaguar Land Rover tells redundant employees

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Jaguar Land Rover has told employees that by making them redundant they are carrying out the will of the British people. Employee Bill Board told us, "It came as a shock at first and I...
Ryanair

Ryanair cancel 18,000 flights following huge increase in customer satisfaction

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Ryanair have announced the cancellation of 18,000 flights. The cancellations affect 40,000 people with many Rochdale residents hopeful they'll be affected. A spokesman for Ryanair said, "Sure, we thought cancelling loads of flights would have...

Thomas the Tank Engine Outrage at Sodexit delay

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The normally chipper blue tank engine Thomas has turned to social media to express his outrage at perceived delays in the Island of Sodor exiting the EU. “It’s an outrage said the outraged Engine we...

Ryanair cancels all flights to Russia

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Ryanair have announced today that it is cancelling all flights to Russia in 2018. The move that will be affecting almost no Irish passengers between June and July next year. The low-cost airline described the...
Trucks

Driverless Lorries to throw bottles of piss out of windows and murder hitch-hikers by...

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In a dramatic step of unmanned vehicle technology, unmanned lorries will be distributing litter at motorway junctions and "disappear" young hitchhikers by the end of next year, the government has announced. A contract has been...
Southern Rail

Southern Rail hire United Airlines CEO to improve customer service

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Sir Horton Brown, head of Southern Rail’s parent Go Ahead and Govia companies is to be replaced this week by the CEO of United Airlines in a bid to improve customer relations. Lord Littleroom, the...

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