It was reported this morning that Southern Rail are headhunting Sean Spicer to be the new, reassuring voice of the beleaguered train service.

It’s thought that managing the press relations with the travelling public in the south of England will be relatively simple for Sean after the total dumpster fire of the White House under Donald Trump.

Attempting to avoid blame is the major product so far of Trump’s presidency.
It’s the main reason for existing for Southern.

Actually running trains anywhere has become a secondary concern as the service has matured like a subcutaneous cyst under the skin of England.

Trainspotters were quick to suggest that hiring Mr Spicer would bring the required degree of experience in putting lipstick on a pig to Southern.

There are concerns though that constantly inventing new excuses for why trains are not running and presenting them to the public on behalf of Southern will involve a degree of stress and anxiety far greater than dissembling on behalf of a novice like Trump.

The Herald attempted to contact both Mr Spicer and Southern Rail for comment but we were unsuccessful.

We spoke a knowledgeable man propping up a bar instead.

“It’s all smoke and mirrors sunshine.” Mr Firth advised.

“The White House is supposed to look like a dumpster fire. The smoke is to stop you seeing what is really going on. Although given how incompetent Trump is, that’s not a lot.”

It sounds like a perfect fit between Spicer and Southern then. Look forward to Melissa McCarthy dressed as a train driver soon.