The conservative party proverbial plane has today fallen into a nose drive, falling by 10points in the polls over the weekend.

The party’s 3 top press correspondence officers have grabbed the emergency parachutes and have bailed out, as several prominent conservative front benchers, the metaphorical engines of the plane, have stalled and exploded in interviews throughout the week.

Theresa May, the captain of the Tory airways flight 2017, has given up on the controls and is screaming “we are Strong and Stable! Strong and Stable!’ as the fuselage breaks apart and the back benchers in economy class are sucked out screaming into the troposphere.

Frankly they were surprised to have been flying so high in the first place.

19th century vegetable highwayman/ satirist. Likes: the sound of a solitary house fly loitering hectically around his ear and the feeling of a warm toilet seat. Favourite topic: writing about political intrigue involving biscuits.