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ThomasThomas

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Thomas Thomas is Sub-Editor for The Rochdale Herald. Thomas is proud to support such causes as "Cornwall for Jam First" and "Drop Scones Not Bombs". His personal motto is "Fuck it, why not?"

To a POTUS – a poem by Rabbi Burns

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To a POTUS Yon tangerine faced Yankee prick, that makes the people aw feel sick, who has a little tiny dick and a big red button He's welcome not...

Smug twat who gave up smoking for New Year has no friends left

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New depths of smugness have been plumbed by a man in Clitheroe who gave up smoking on the 1st of January. Tomothy Morning-Wood, who had...

Illusionist ‘Dynamo’ announces new chain of restaurants called AbraKebabra

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Dead-pan mind boggler 'Dynamo' has announced that he will be opening a new chain of restaurants called 'AbraKebabra'. Bradford born 'Dynamo', real name Derren Copperfield,...

Your 60 second news round-up

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Here's The Rochdale Herald's round-up of today's important news headlines: - UKIP leader's girlfriend is a nasty little racist - Nicola Sturgeon backs a second Scottish...

Tsunami threat issued for East coast of England after Yorkshireman does massive poo

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A Tsunami threat has been issued for the East coast of England after a man who hasn't had a shit for a week...

Bra fitters feel a right pair of tits after revealing the size of the...

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Bra fitters Rigby & Peller have lost their Royal warrant after Buckingham Palace cancelled its contract with the company after they revealed intimate details...

Man-child chickens out of UK visit because people said mean things about him

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Man-child and completely stable genius Donald Trump has reportedly cancelled his planned visit to the UK next month, according to the White House. Trump was...

IT department confirms that turning Maybot off and on again didn’t work

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The latest attempt to reboot the Downing Street operating system failed after the Tory party IT department tried turning Maybot off and on again. Nigel...
Donald Trump Jr

Fire at Trump Tower definitely not Donald Trump Jr burning Russia dossier, confirms Donald...

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New York - There has been more fire and fury today as a blaze at the top of Trump Tower in New York left...

CABINET RESHUFFLE – Boris Johnson becomes Health Secretary

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Theresa May's eagerly anticipated cabinet reshuffle has begun. In what some would describe as "a bit of a surprise", the former Mayor of London and...

Storm Eleanor wreaks havoc after gate left open on wind farm

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Met Office issues "risk to life" warnings with wind speeds over 80mph expected overnight. It has been revealed that Storm Eleanor, the latest storm to...

Emergency services respond to man with spade in head

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Ambulance crews were called to an address in Wigan this morning after a local man suffered head injuries. The man's wife called 999 after her...

If one more person says Merry Birthday to me I’m going to lose my...

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Everyone knows someone with a birthday around Christmas day. Those whose birthday falls on the big day itself are the worst off but spare...
Glastonbury

The Rochdale Herald Christmas Top Ten – Numero Uno – Glastonbury food vendors uproar...

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So, here it is, Merry Christmas, everybody's having fun, hark The Rochdale Herald sings "Glory to Martin Luther King". Our Top Ten of the most...

The Rochdale Herald Christmas Top Ten – Number 2 – Prince Philip deemed fit...

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At number two in our countdown of the most popular articles of 2017 is the second offering from our resident vegetable highwayman, Dick Turnip,...
Mariah Carey

The Rochdale Herald Christmas countdown – Number 3 – Mariah Carey records shock cover...

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So here we are. We've reached the top three in our countdown of the ten most popular articles of 2017. Written by the mysterious Galatian,...

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