Blitz spirit will see us through says man panic buying sanitary towels and Quinoa

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The UK’s Health Secretary, Matt Hancock, has likened the nation’s handling of the Coronavirus pandemic to the “Blitz spirit” which saw plucky Brits through the 2nd World War.

The Rochdale Herald took to the streets to ask the people living through the loo roll riots of 2020 “how does this compare to being bombed out of your house during an air raid?”

“I remember when I was a child in the East End of London in 1941” explains Arthur Braincell of Mile End. “My mum panic bought toilet paper and jellies eels as soon as the balloon went up.”

“The minute those doodlebugs started raining down it was every man for himself as far as she was concerned” he explained.

“It’s that blatant selfish disregard for our community that’ll see us through this, just like it did then” 

“Look at me, I’m alright. I bought all the toilet paper I could fit in my car when I went to the supermarket and I’ve just snapped up the last box of tampons in the corner shop. You know, just in case.”

Mr Braincell, who lives alone after his wife left him because he’s “a selfish arsehole who doesn’t think of anyone but himself”, told us that next on his list of items to stockpile is Quinoa although he doesn’t know what it is.