Local businessmen had their collective cocks in a hoop at the news that an Artisan Market is to be launched in Rochdale.

“Following Brexit all my existing artisans will have to return to Polatia and Czechoslovenia.” said mill owner Josiah Obediah “This new market sounds like a right good idea. It’ll be just like my great grandad’s day when you could go over to Liverpool and buy your workers straight off the boat and still have enough left for a barrel of Chateau de Chasselas.”

Scrap dealer Arthur Foggen agreed ‘It’s been too long since you could actually buy people in this country. It’s one of the reasons I voted for Brexit. Taking our country back to the good old days before them do-gooding prannets like William Wilberforce, the twat.”

In response, heavily bearded and hair oiled organiser of the Artisan Market, Quentin Fortescue, explained “No. Its not that at all. Our market is to offer the hipster population of Rochdale the chance to purchase ethically sourced and hand crafted produce like organic blood-free pudding of colour; quinoa and lentil porkless pie and gluten-free mild.”

Mr Foggen asked “How much for the big Jessie with the beard and the greasy hair?”