Health

The Department of Health have launched an inquiry into an outbreak of Hepatitis B at a Rochdale WI knitting needle swap scheme after untreated cases resulted in the death of sixteen members.  Problems seemed to...

An overweight chain-smoking binge-drinker who never does any exercise has confirmed that this government isn't spending enough money on ensuring that his health care requirements are met. Following the budget announcement on Thursday that this...

Saturday sees the start of The Asthma Society's global awareness campaign. 176 chronic asthma sufferers will cycle 2,082 miles of the roughest French terrain to raise awareness of the effects of this crippling lung...

Playgrounds and schools all over the country were full of joyous celebration as Britain's children heard that Broccoli has been rationed. "Fabbolishus!", declared Ryan Whingeing (8) from Scumbag Primary School, Rochdale. "The green poison is...

World hunger has been declared over after Jeremy Corbyn urinated on a field just outside Rochdale. One aide told us, "Jeremy was returning from one of his meet and greets with local activists. He'd had...

UK shoppers were in ecstasy as bendy bananas made a comeback into British supermarkets following Parliament’s decision to allow Prime Minister Theresa May to trigger article 50. Although bendy bananas are not strictly allowed...

The Emergency Services and NHS Trusts in London & the South East areas are reported to be within 24 hours of collapse. Since the vote to leave the EU, A&E departments have been flooded by...

The Labia Party have announced new plans to make vaginal cosmetic surgery available on the NHS. The announcement follows news that millions of women and some pre-teeners are requesting cosmetic surgery as they are...

In a move to reduce costs and breathe new life into the long-abandoned £11.4 billion Centralised Records System, the NHS has announced a partnership with WhatsApp to improve access to patient data. WhatsApp, owned by...

A Rochdale resident was found dead at home today after consuming a bottle of water 15 minutes past its expiry date. Police told the Herald that they believed the woman had died sometime over the weekend. Forensic scientist...

Despite all evidence to the contrary the U.K. Is suffering from a profound wanker shortage after the National Sperm Bank recruited only seven wankers in two years.

Google breaks under the strain of millions of Britons preparing their excuses for work on Monday morning. As millions of us check up on the exact symptoms of sunstroke, the search engine has given up...

Health - A recent Government initiative has been announced to replace traditional hospital beds with bunk beds. This scheme was recently trialed in one hospital in Surrey with Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt hailing it...

A spokesperson who claims to be from Theresa May's office has called to defend Theresa May after this writer- allegedly- implied that she was not entirely sincere in her public drive to tackle mental...

Rochdalians are being reminded today that having a deep pan 16 inch spicy meat special doesn't count as following a Mediterranean diet- even if you've preceded it with 12 bottles of San Miguel.  The reminder...

A new kind of terrorism is trying to destroy the great American dream, according to the Trump Administration today. “Pre-existing conditions are trying to ruin this great nation,” said Trump's gob piece, Sean Spicer, “and...