knitting

16 Dead In Rochdale Women’s Institute Needle Exchange Hep B Outbreak

The Department of Health have launched an inquiry into an outbreak of Hepatitis B at a Rochdale WI knitting needle swap scheme after untreated cases resulted in the death of sixteen members. Problems seemed to...

Attention seeker Brian Harvey arrested after sending himself abusive Tweets

Former East 17 Band member and serial own foot shooter Brian Harvey is said to be in trouble with the police over alleged malicious Tweeting.The runty Rottweiler once fronted the Poundland version of...

Mother of three who has finished her Christmas shopping and bought all of the...

A woman was rushed to hospital this week suffering from a rare allergic reaction to being overtly smug after completing all her food and present shopping ready for Christmas and bragging about it on...
Overweight

Government isn’t spending enough on health, says chain-smoking binge-drinker who doesn’t go to gym

An overweight chain-smoking binge-drinker who never does any exercise has confirmed that this government isn't spending enough money on ensuring that his health care requirements are met.Following the budget announcement on Thursday that this...
anti-vaxxer

My kids weren’t vaccinated and the one who didn’t die is okay says anti-vaxxer

Tracy O'Daffy of Middleton is heading a campaign to raise awareness of the dangers of vaccination throughout the Rochdale area.Tracy has been a long time 'Anti Vaxxer', meaning that she is strongly against vaccination...

Public Health Warning-Skittles Ban comes into effect.

The popular sweets Skittles will today be banned from sale all across the world after news has emerged that just 3 of them contain lethal poison after US Presidential candidate Donald Trump uncovered the...
Hippy shit

Two kids remember something – proves some hippy shit totally

With all the scientific rigour of a hippy Merlin with a bone through his nose, the BBC headlines recently included the assertion that the herb rosemary really does help memory.A study, which was almost...
NHS

Government re-brands NHS as Notional Health Service

The government has announced plans to re-brand the National Health Service as the Notional Health Service.Jeremy Hunt MP, Secretary of State for Health, is expected to announce the move shortly. "A Notional Health Service...
Doctor

Doctor of Medicine degree to be replaced with Google

A brainchild policy of Health Secretary, Jeremy Hunt, has been leaked from the Conservative General Election Manifesto.The policy will outline plans to increase doctor numbers whilst simultaneously cutting costs.After a Conservative election win, would be doctors...
Fat Man Gym

Man begins month long quest to get fit

In a determined effort, this time (yes, this time it's for real, not like the other times) Simon Lardon, single, of Sheffield, has given up beer and bacon and joined his local Sweatytynes to...

Women seeking cosmetic surgery to make their genitals look like Michael Gove

The Labia Party have announced new plans to make vaginal cosmetic surgery available on the NHS. The announcement follows news that millions of women and some pre-teeners are requesting cosmetic surgery as they are...

Theresa May Sectioned for safety after gibberish speech about Brexit

The Prime Minister was taken into protective custody at a secure mental health unit this afternoon, for her own safety.A spokesperson for Meadows and Flowers, a clinic located on a small islet off the...

Smallbridge Flats Man Convinced Pigeon Likes to Watch him Hoover Naked

While spending a good portion of his weekly income on the Euromillions, Mr. Garry Lee Shaw complained about the fifth or even sixth time that week that he’d seen the exact same pigeon outside...

Racists awarded PIP’s under new mental health provisions

Penny Mordor MP, Secretary of State for Disabled People, Work and Health announced this morning wide ranging changes to the qualification criteria for PIP (Personal Independence Payment).The payment, designed to assist individuals who are long term...
British Homeopath

British Homeopathy Association to strike over watered down labelling

The British Homeopathy Association has announced a planned strike over government plans to label their medication as being ‘useless’.The head of the British Homeopathic Association announced the move. There will be a .00000001 second strike...
Man Bun

Man buns proven to reduce transmission rates of sexually transmitted diseases

The Rochdale Royal Institute of Sexual Health have released the results of a study demonstrating man buns as a proven way to reduce the infection rates of sexually transmitted diseases.Prof Eyget Laid, who led...

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