A lovely old grandma who contracted racism during a trip to Burnley last week is in a “serious condition” after being admitted to an isolation unit in Rochdale.

NHS Rochdale has confirmed that the racism is still present in Barbara Dickinson’s brain left over from the original infection.

She is not thought to be contagious.

The 83-year-old has been flown back to the isolation unit at Rochdale Infirmary.

Tests have shown that both the Mail Online and The Daily Mail can cause racism even in trace amounts and experts are warning that people wear gloves and blindfolds if they must come into contact with either.

Mrs Dickinson, from Rochdale in Lancashire, has spent almost a week in the unit after contracting racism September.

NHS Lancashire said she had been admitted to the Rochdale Community University on Tuesday after feeling unwell and was treated in its Harridan Old Bitches unit after telling an Asian hospital porter “to go back where he came from.”

The original source of the racism is thought to be a copy of The Daily Mail she used to wipe her bottom during a coach tour of Wigan, Preston and Bolton.

Dr Patel Patel, director of public health for NHS Lancashire, said: “Barbara’s condition is a complication of a previous infection from contact with The Daily Express. She keeps saying things would be better if only Diana was here.”

“The risk to the public is very low. In line with normal procedures in cases such as this, we have identified a small number of Barbara’s close friends and told them that she’ll probably say things like Enoch Powell was right.”

“She won’t be much company for a little a while.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.