Rees Mogg

Jacob Rees-Mogg announces plan for every UK baby to have his DNA by 2040

0
This is a key policy behind Rees-Mogg's bid for the Conservative party leadership. According to leaked documents, he is going to take his cue from...
Doctor

Doctor of Medicine degree to be replaced with Google

0
A brainchild policy of Health Secretary, Jeremy Hunt, has been leaked from the Conservative General Election Manifesto. The policy will outline plans to increase doctor numbers...

Naked gym guy insists “I’m just high on life”

0
Reports are circulating that a middle aged man stripped stark bollock naked last night at local budget gym, LoveMuscle. Eyewitnesses claim he was beating his...

Tiny Tim declared fit to work by ATOS

0
Dickensian child, "Tiny" Tim Cratchitt has been declared fit to work by ATOS this week despite being both famously crippled and fictional. His father, Robert...

UK moves to a pocket full of posies phase of Coronavirus plan

0
The Government has this morning announced, it has begun the "pocket full of posies" phase of its Coronavirus plan. Spokesman Bill Board said, "We use...

Your NHS is safe with me, says man who can’t ride bike 

0
Lord Sir Baron Richard Branson MBE OBE BFD has insisted that the hospitals he's taking over from the NHS are perfectly safe in his...
Doctor

Government to solve doctor shortage by drafting in Job Centre  assessors

26
Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt outlined plans today to "fill the doctor void" with medically untrained Job Centre staff. The move has come under heavy criticism...

Smug twat who gave up smoking for New Year has no friends left

0
New depths of smugness have been plumbed by a man in Clitheroe who gave up smoking on the 1st of January. Tomothy Morning-Wood, who had...

Rochdale man to drink 100 pints to help the N.H.S.

0
Rochdale resident Jim Tossking has announced that he hopes to raise £25m for the N.H.S. by supping 100 pints of bitter. A regular at Rochdale's...
anti-vaxxer

My kids weren’t vaccinated and the one who didn’t die is okay says anti-vaxxer

45
Tracy O'Daffy of Middleton is heading a campaign to raise awareness of the dangers of vaccination throughout the Rochdale area. Tracy has been a long...
Fruit Salad

Fruit salad cancer risk

0
Fruit salads may cause cancer, top Latvian scientists have found. The study, published in Eat My Carcinoma, has sent shockwaves through fruit communities and...
Angry Man

Google breaks under search query strain after hot weekend

0
Google breaks under the strain of millions of Britons preparing their excuses for work on Monday morning. As millions of us check up on the...

London Motorists furious that cyclists lives might be saved

0
London drivers are currently outraged at London mayor Sadiq Khan's plans to reduce cyclists deaths. "Over half of cyclist deaths in the capital involve construction...

Morrissey spends days in bed

0
Tragic news has reached us here at The Rochdale Herald for all lovers of the morbid mopheaded muso and former front man of The...

Health scare over psychotic illness which only infects BMW OWNERS!!!

0
Doctors at Central Rochdale Asylum for Psychosis have issued a health warning over a virus which only infects BMW owners. Doctors have, however, begun...

NHS Whistleblower Reveals 15,000 Children Prescribed E-cigs

0
Thousands of smokers, who trusted NHS Smoking Cessation Therapies, were expressing their outrage this morning. The smouldering tempers result from the revelation that up to...

Follow us

61,169FansLike
29,631FollowersFollow
21,670FollowersFollow

Popular Posts