UK obesity epidemic to be tackled by driving the Coca-Cola truck through towns and...

Coca Cola have announced that the driver of their self-proclaimed ‘traditional’ Christmas Truck has been instructed to keep moving through the UK towns and cities that it visits to keep overweight and pre-diabetes children...
Doctor

Doctor of Medicine degree to be replaced with Google

A brainchild policy of Health Secretary, Jeremy Hunt, has been leaked from the Conservative General Election Manifesto. The policy will outline plans to increase doctor numbers whilst simultaneously cutting costs. After a Conservative election win, would be doctors...

Stoner Relieved Global Conspiracy to Crush the Poor Not Just Weed-Induced Paranoia

Danny Moss, 41, of Milnrow happily cancelled his upcoming trip to the psychiatrist after finally concluding that there really is a shadowy cabal trying to take over the world.  The appointment, which clashed with a rerun of Time...

Smug twat who gave up smoking for New Year has no friends left

New depths of smugness have been plumbed by a man in Clitheroe who gave up smoking on the 1st of January. Tomothy Morning-Wood, who had been a smoker for over 30 years until January 2018,...

Shoppers rejoice as bendy bananas sneak back into supermarkets after Commons vote

UK shoppers were in ecstasy as bendy bananas made a comeback into British supermarkets following Parliament’s decision to allow Prime Minister Theresa May to trigger article 50. Although bendy bananas are not strictly allowed...

Woman chains herself up in bid to stop voting for the Conservatives

A mother is so desperate to stop voting for the Conservatives she has chained herself up in her room to prevent access to a polling booth. Over the past 11 days, Katie has attached herself...

Mother of three who has finished her Christmas shopping and bought all of the...

A woman was rushed to hospital this week suffering from a rare allergic reaction to being overtly smug after completing all her food and present shopping ready for Christmas and bragging about it on...

Racists awarded PIP’s under new mental health provisions

Penny Mordor MP, Secretary of State for Disabled People, Work and Health announced this morning wide ranging changes to the qualification criteria for PIP (Personal Independence Payment). The payment, designed to assist individuals who are long term...

World Health Organisation on standby as UK confirms youngest ever case of man-flu

Officials at the World Health Organisation have raised the threat level of a global pandemic to full alert.

Boots fight elitism by pricing poor people out of contraception

High Street favourite Boots has been in hot water lately over the row which arose from the response regarding the morning after pill. The situation has caused outrage among shoppers, who claim that they...
Vegetables

Vegetables ‘have feelings too’ top scientists discover

Happy raspberries, disappointed carrots and furious parsnips may not be the stuff of fairy tales, top food scientists have shown. Researchers were observing the effect of peeling potatoes on levels of starch in fried wedges,...
Rees Mogg

Jacob Rees-Mogg announces plan for every UK baby to have his DNA by 2040

This is a key policy behind Rees-Mogg's bid for the Conservative party leadership. According to leaked documents, he is going to take his cue from the Catholic anthem Every Sperm Is Sacred and distribute his...
homeopath

NHS increase Homeopathy budget by 0.0000001%

Campaigners are thrilled after their campaign to reverse a decision by NHS bosses to no longer prescribe homeopathy on the NHS. After winning the right to a judicial review the British Homeopathic Association is thrilled...

Attention seeker Brian Harvey arrested after sending himself abusive Tweets

Former East 17 Band member and serial own foot shooter Brian Harvey is said to be in trouble with the police over alleged malicious Tweeting. The runty Rottweiler once fronted the Poundland version of...

Trump redefines Pre-existing Conditions as type of terror

A new kind of terrorism is trying to destroy the great American dream, according to the Trump Administration today. “Pre-existing conditions are trying to ruin this great nation,” said Trump's gob piece, Sean Spicer, “and...
Grooming

New male grooming products launched

Metrosexuals all over the country were overcome with delight today as Snake Oil salesmen L'Oreal, released an new line of grooming products for men in a star studded press conference. The jackboot of pressure placed...

Follow us

56,830FansLike
18,423FollowersFollow
22,736FollowersFollow

Popular Posts