Chris Witty signs lucrative sponsorship deal with Andrex toilet paper
Chris Witty has shocked fans around the world after signing a multi-million pound, multi-decade deal to become the new face of Andrex bog roll.
The...
Living in Italy and eating really nice food might cure depression, confirms Institute of...
The institute for the blindingly obvious has today proclaimed that living in Italy and eating nice food may help depression.
Professor Frederick Seddon of Rochdale...
World Health Organisation on standby as UK confirms youngest ever case of man-flu
Officials at the World Health Organisation have raised the threat level of a global pandemic to full alert.
20 a day smoker worried 5G mast will give him cancer
A Bolton man says he fears that 5 aside football pitch flood light is actually a secret 5G mast that will cause him to...
Hospital waiting times longest ever as people queue to abuse Boris Johnson
"Waiting times for the NHS in England are the longest ever and it's because people are waiting so they can abuse Boris Johnson."
Rochdale resident...
Significantly lower brain function can lead to heading footballs, scientists reveal
Scientists have revealed that significantly lower brain function can lead to being a footballer.
Researchers said they had identified "significantly lower levels of brain function"...
British Public shocked to learn Pizza and San Miguel not Mediterranean Diet
Rochdalians are being reminded today that having a deep pan 16 inch spicy meat special doesn't count as following a Mediterranean diet- even if...
Hospitals to open thousands of ‘transition wards’ to end winter crisis
Health - Health Secretary James Hunt today told The Rochdale Herald that a "space restructurement" at hospitals across the country would put paid to...
‘Childhood vaccines prolonged my agonising march towards death’ claims nihilist.
A local nihilist has started a campaign against vaccinations, arguing that they force children to endure the pain and sadness of their futile existence.
Stephen...
Morrissey spends days in bed
Tragic news has reached us here at The Rochdale Herald for all lovers of the morbid mopheaded muso and former front man of The...
NHS increase Homeopathy budget by 0.0000001%
Campaigners are thrilled after their campaign to reverse a decision by NHS bosses to no longer prescribe homeopathy on the NHS.
After winning the right...
Mordor agrees below inflation pay rise for Hobbits
Over a million Hobbits across The Shire including front line ring bearers and turnip farmers are expected to receive 6% pay increases, the Rochdale Herald has been told.
World hunger solved after Jeremy Corbyn urinates on field
World hunger has been declared over after Jeremy Corbyn urinated on a field just outside Rochdale.
One aide told us, "Jeremy was returning from one...
16 Dead In Rochdale Women’s Institute Needle Exchange Hep B Outbreak
The Department of Health have launched an inquiry into an outbreak of Hepatitis B at a Rochdale WI knitting needle swap scheme after untreated...
NHS Complimentary Medicine Services near collapse
The Emergency Services and NHS Trusts in London & the South East areas are reported to be within 24 hours of collapse.
Since the vote...
Jeremy Hunt Pictures Issued To Stop People Choking
A new cure has been unveiled by the NHS to stop people choking - looking at pictures of Jeremy Hunt.
This seemingly controversial move actually...
