UKIP Politician selling more than just political lies

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Welsh UKIPper, Andrew “IQ not very” Haigh doesn't just sell bullshit through his party, it transpires. The national organiser for Wales also sells utter bollocks in physical form. Haigh runs a company called Vitalox that promises...

Rochdale man to drink 100 pints to help the N.H.S.

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Rochdale resident Jim Tossking has announced that he hopes to raise £25m for the N.H.S. by supping 100 pints of bitter. A regular at Rochdale's famous Rat and Pudding pub, Jim is known to locals...

Trump redefines Pre-existing Conditions as type of terror

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A new kind of terrorism is trying to destroy the great American dream, according to the Trump Administration today. “Pre-existing conditions are trying to ruin this great nation,” said Trump's gob piece, Sean Spicer, “and...

One in four NHS hospitals have turned to STRIPPING to make ends meet

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Almost a quarter of the nation's hospitals have turned to stripping to make up for funding shortfalls, according to a new report. Commissioned by a group of Ralf Little fans and shared exclusively with the...

Stoner Relieved Global Conspiracy to Crush the Poor Not Just Weed-Induced Paranoia

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Danny Moss, 41, of Milnrow happily cancelled his upcoming trip to the psychiatrist after finally concluding that there really is a shadowy cabal trying to take over the world.  The appointment, which clashed with a rerun of Time...
sperm bank

Despite Brexit vote UK National Sperm Bank to close due to wanker shortage

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Despite all evidence to the contrary the U.K. Is suffering from a profound wanker shortage after the National Sperm Bank recruited only seven wankers in two years.

World Health Organisation on standby as UK confirms youngest ever case of man-flu

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Officials at the World Health Organisation have raised the threat level of a global pandemic to full alert.

Shoppers rejoice as bendy bananas sneak back into supermarkets after Commons vote

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UK shoppers were in ecstasy as bendy bananas made a comeback into British supermarkets following Parliament’s decision to allow Prime Minister Theresa May to trigger article 50. Although bendy bananas are not strictly allowed...

NHS admit to clicking ‘remind me later’ on McAfee update for seven years straight

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NHS digital has come under fire from computer security professionals; as an investigation into yesterday's Malware virus has revealed NHS used McAfee and hadn't updated it in seven years. "Honestly, bloody McAfee?" Said digital security expert Mike...

UK moves to a pocket full of posies phase of Coronavirus plan

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The Government has this morning announced, it has begun the "pocket full of posies" phase of its Coronavirus plan. Spokesman Bill Board said, "We use the same system that was designed in the 17th century...
Doctor

Government to solve doctor shortage by drafting in Job Centre  assessors

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Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt outlined plans today to "fill the doctor void" with medically untrained Job Centre staff. The move has come under heavy criticism from The British Medical Association, leading Labour MP's and even...
Katie Hopkins

Massive chip dislocates Katie Hopkins shoulder

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There were grave concerns for Katie Hopkins today when the massive chip she uses as a shoulder deepened and caused her arm to calve from the giant ice shelf that is the rest of...

Rochdale sex romp for Ozone Day

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Friday 16th of September was World Ozone Day but residents of a care home in Rochdale have been getting hot under the collar after a case of mistaken identity. "I was a free spirit in...
theresa nay laughing

May announces bed sharing and brunch in effort to save NHS

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The NHS is in crisis, dead bodies litter corridors and elderly people lie stranded, a trip hazard for nurses, and a health and safety nightmare. The Prime Minister has issued another five-point plan...
Snake

Snake oil cures are for idiots, say snakes

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A spokesnake for snakes everywhere has said that snake oil cures not one single disease known to man. "I get that being mortal is terrifying stuff, but you really have to wonder at the sense...

20 a day smoker worried 5G mast will give him cancer

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A Bolton man says he fears that 5 aside football pitch flood light is actually a secret 5G mast that will cause him to develop cancer. 38 year old Bill Board told us that...

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