A Rochdale resident was found dead at home today after consuming a bottle of water 15 minutes past its expiry date.

Police told the Herald that they believed the woman had died sometime over the weekend.

Forensic scientist Dr Henry Seddon told the Herald, “People believe that water is harmless but in reality it can be deadly particularly, when it goes past its expiration date.”

Rochdale Dr of Chemistry Dr Rahman told the Herald “Water is used as a coolant in nuclear reactors. Would you really want to drink it knowing that?

Look at the name on the bottle. Backwards it spells naive. It can’t be any clearer.”

Rochdale Herald researchers have watched several YouTube videos that have spooky piano music in the background and discovered that what many think of as a harmless liquid is actually only one atom removed from Hydrogen Peroxide and Formaldehyde. Hydrogen Peroxide was used by the 7/7 bomber’s when making the explosives for their bombs and Formaldehyde is used to preserve dead bodies.

Dr Seddon who, was present at the autopsy of Lady Diana said, “When we examined the body it was clear it contained high levels of water.”

He went on to add “The 7/7 bomber’s had levels of water consistent with many ISIS terrorists.”

Dr Rahman said, “Water is a big reason Iron rusts. You have Iron in your blood. imagine what the water is doing to that.”

Dr Rahman also confirmed that water was found in many cancerous cells and all people who drown have raised levels of water.

Senior Herald weatherman, Nathan Madden said, “Each year plunging temperatures cause ice and snow to form. This is entirely water. This ice and snow is responsible for the deaths of millions of pensioners. It doesn’t suprise me that it can be responsible for killing somebody.”

Dr Seddon told the Herald, “That water is dangerous is clear. It shouldn’t be drunk a minute over its useby date. It can harbour harmful bacteria.

There’s a reason swimming pools add chlorine to it. This incident should stand as a warning to not drink it past its use by date.