Specialists called in after Yorkshireman with Aussie flu says “G’day mate”

A Yorkshire man has been rushed to hospital after it was suspected he had the most serious strain of the Aussie flu virus known in the country.Stan Dupp, a recruiment consultant from Harrogate, was...
Man in Waiting Room

Waiting times in A&E are ridiculous says bloke with Buzz Lightyear toy stuck up...

Rochdale: A Lancashire man has spoken of his outrage at being forced to stand and wait for attention in Rochdale A&E for more than four hours on Saturday night.Mr Anthony Tonin from Milnrow told...

Scandal rocks vegan community as it’s revealed they’re made of meat

For years normal people have been subjected to snooty vegans looking down on them and preaching how immoral they are for eating animals just because they taste delicious.
Ebola

‘Deadly viruses don’t kill people, people kill people,’ claims Ebola

In a bid to improve its reputation as one of the world's most lethal pathogens, the Ebola virus has today sought to shift the blame for its deadly effects onto people.The virus, which was...
Katie Hopkins

Massive chip dislocates Katie Hopkins shoulder

There were grave concerns for Katie Hopkins today when the massive chip she uses as a shoulder deepened and caused her arm to calve from the giant ice shelf that is the rest of...
Gove and Trump Tourette's

NHS Swamped by Tourette’s outbreak after Gove and Trump footage surfaces

Accident and Emergency departments across the country collapsed utterly this morning after thousands of people swamped hospitals with suspected cases of Tourette's Syndrome.

Public Health Warning-Skittles Ban comes into effect.

The popular sweets Skittles will today be banned from sale all across the world after news has emerged that just 3 of them contain lethal poison after US Presidential candidate Donald Trump uncovered the...
Jeremy Hunt

Jeremy Hunt to introduce Pay Per View Patient Records

NHS officials have confirmed reports that health minister Jeremy Hunt has been hacked.“Since his initial appointment as health minister in 2012 we have been working on the assumption that Hunt was a particularly pernicious form of malware,”...
Overweight

Government isn’t spending enough on health, says chain-smoking binge-drinker who doesn’t go to gym

An overweight chain-smoking binge-drinker who never does any exercise has confirmed that this government isn't spending enough money on ensuring that his health care requirements are met.Following the budget announcement on Thursday that this...
Fruit Salad

Fruit salad cancer risk

Fruit salads may cause cancer, top Latvian scientists have found. The study, published in Eat My Carcinoma, has sent shockwaves through fruit communities and undermines the long-held belief that this ancient food can help...

Health scare over psychotic illness which only infects BMW OWNERS!!!

Doctors at Central Rochdale Asylum for Psychosis have issued a health warning over a virus which only infects BMW owners. Doctors have, however, begun work on antiviral treatments.Dr Anita Slowdown explained the symptoms: "First...
Fat Man Gym

Man begins month long quest to get fit

In a determined effort, this time (yes, this time it's for real, not like the other times) Simon Lardon, single, of Sheffield, has given up beer and bacon and joined his local Sweatytynes to...
anti-vaxxer

My kids weren’t vaccinated and the one who didn’t die is okay says anti-vaxxer

Tracy O'Daffy of Middleton is heading a campaign to raise awareness of the dangers of vaccination throughout the Rochdale area.Tracy has been a long time 'Anti Vaxxer', meaning that she is strongly against vaccination...

Working from home identified as leading cause of sight loss in men

A new study from the Rochdale Institute for Sight has found that working from home is the leading cause of sight loss for men.Although identifying the cause the researchers were less exact about what...

Shoppers rejoice as bendy bananas sneak back into supermarkets after Commons vote

UK shoppers were in ecstasy as bendy bananas made a comeback into British supermarkets following Parliament’s decision to allow Prime Minister Theresa May to trigger article 50.Although bendy bananas are not strictly allowed...

Crossfit cult ‘survivor’ makes full recovery after being rescued

A former member of the cult of Crossfit, Steve ‘Tits’ Day, has spoken for the first time having made a full recovery from his formerly toned and healthy condition.Happily now surrounded by pizza boxes...

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