Jeremy Hunt to introduce Pay Per View Patient Records

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NHS officials have confirmed reports that health minister Jeremy Hunt has been hacked. "Since his initial appointment as health minister in 2012 we have been working on...

Health scare over psychotic illness which only infects BMW OWNERS!!!

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Doctors at Central Rochdale Asylum for Psychosis have issued a health warning over a virus which only infects BMW owners. Doctors have, however, begun...

Mordor agrees below inflation pay rise for Hobbits

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Over a million Hobbits across The Shire including front line ring bearers and turnip farmers are expected to receive 6% pay increases, the Rochdale Herald has been told.
Gove and Trump Tourette's

NHS Swamped by Tourette’s outbreak after Gove and Trump footage surfaces

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Accident and Emergency departments across the country collapsed utterly this morning after thousands of people swamped hospitals with suspected cases of Tourette's Syndrome.
Rochdale paramedics

Husband fails to avoid loaded question

A Rochdale man is currently receiving counselling and treatment for first-degree burns after failing to give the correct answer to a blatantly loaded question...
Chris Witty

Chris Witty signs lucrative sponsorship deal with Andrex toilet paper

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Chris Witty has shocked fans around the world after signing a multi-million pound, multi-decade deal to become the new face of Andrex bog roll. The...
Snake

Snake oil cures are for idiots, say snakes

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A spokesnake for snakes everywhere has said that snake oil cures not one single disease known to man. "I get that being mortal is terrifying...

Virus tests increase to 1 million a day as Matt Hancock includes tests he’s...

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The UK government has announced that Covid-19 testing has now far surpassed the target figure, coming in at 1 million a day. Health Secretary, Matt...

Gillette admit razors not suitable for sensitive skin

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International razor brand Gillette has admitted that after years of investment, their product is not suitable for the delicate skin of the modern day...

UK moves to a pocket full of posies phase of Coronavirus plan

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The Government has this morning announced, it has begun the "pocket full of posies" phase of its Coronavirus plan. Spokesman Bill Board said, "We use...

Man that failed GCSE Science now an expert in pediatrics

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A Rochdale man who failed GCSE Science has revealed he's an expert on pediatrics and specializes in treatments for Pneumonia. Bill Board loudly announced...

Tory superbug found in pigs

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A variant of the antibiotic-resistant superbug MRSA normally found in old Etonians and Conservative Party politicians has found its way into the nation's...
NHS

Britain shows appreciation for NHS by funding it properly

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Britain has decided to show its appreciation for the NHS by funding it properly.  The nation has made the decision that it doesn't matter...
Tour de France

Asthma Society public awareness campaign kicks off with three-week cycling Tour of France

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Saturday sees the start of The Asthma Society's global awareness campaign. 176 chronic asthma sufferers will cycle 2,082 miles of the roughest French terrain...
Hippy shit

Two kids remember something – proves some hippy shit totally

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With all the scientific rigour of a hippy Merlin with a bone through his nose, the BBC headlines recently included the assertion that the...

Mother of three who has finished her Christmas shopping and bought all of the...

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A woman was rushed to hospital this week suffering from a rare allergic reaction to being overtly smug after completing all her food and...

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