Doctors desperately hoping Rees Mogg falls ill

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Following Jacob Rees-Mogg's bullying tirade on a doctor who dared challenge his smug assertions on talk radio, many people have challenged the pusillanimous human cockroach to repeat his comments outside the house where he...

20 a day smoker worried 5G mast will give him cancer

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A Bolton man says he fears that 5 aside football pitch flood light is actually a secret 5G mast that will cause him to develop cancer. 38 year old Bill Board told...
Green

Inside the Dark Underbelly of Kensington: Salad Dealers

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Our Herald undercover reporter uncovers the sinister side of the illegal Kensington salad trade. It’s 2 a.m. and I’m standing outside an all-night coffee shop in London’s Kensington High Street, waiting, as Lou Reed so...

NHS Funding: Less is more insists Jeremy Hunt

3
A government source told us yesterday that  robot eyed shitkicker Jeremy Hunt has decided to take a more philosophical approach to the NHS crisis. Dr Steph O'Scope said "I think he's reading Zen & The...

Morrissey spends days in bed

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Tragic news has reached us here at The Rochdale Herald for all lovers of the morbid mopheaded muso and former front man of The Smith's, Morrissey. Today we have learnt that the singer, whose real...
Ebola

‘Deadly viruses don’t kill people, people kill people,’ claims Ebola

11
In a bid to improve its reputation as one of the world's most lethal pathogens, the Ebola virus has today sought to shift the blame for its deadly effects onto people. The virus, which was...

Public Health Warning-Skittles Ban comes into effect.

1
The popular sweets Skittles will today be banned from sale all across the world after news has emerged that just 3 of them contain lethal poison after US Presidential candidate Donald Trump uncovered the...

Well I’ve never caught anything off my kids before, Facebook mum lies

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Before 2020, Rochdale mum Di Coughlan had rarely posted anything other than pictures of her adorable children and grimacing husband.  That all changed a couple of months ago, when a new profile...

Virus tests increase to 1 million a day as Matt Hancock includes tests he’s...

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The UK government has announced that Covid-19 testing has now far surpassed the target figure, coming in at 1 million a day. Health Secretary, Matt Hancock, explained the new figures have been broadened to include...
Doctor

Doctor of Medicine degree to be replaced with Google

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A brainchild policy of Health Secretary, Jeremy Hunt, has been leaked from the Conservative General Election Manifesto. The policy will outline plans to increase doctor numbers whilst simultaneously cutting costs. After a Conservative election win, would be doctors...

Its not Lupus.

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Hypochondriacs around the UK were said to be giddy with the excitement at the prospect of a new NHS website that will encourage them to diagnose themselves using their smartphones. Barbara Dickinson of Rochdale said; "I've...

Coronavirus maybe more deadly than Iain Duncan Smith warns Government

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The Government is warning that Coronavirus could be more deadly than Iain Duncan Smith. The warning comes as the number of cases in Britain doubled to 8. A spokesman said, "When discussing the...

NHS Complimentary Medicine Services near collapse

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The Emergency Services and NHS Trusts in London & the South East areas are reported to be within 24 hours of collapse. Since the vote to leave the EU, A&E departments have been flooded by...
Hospital

Salisbury hospital closes and two critically injured after being exposed to Jeremy hunt

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Salisbury hospital was closed today and 2 people are still critically ill today amidst extraordinary scenes said to be the result of Jeremy Hunt. The incident first started when patients began to feel nauseous. Dr...

Racists awarded PIP’s under new mental health provisions

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Penny Mordor MP, Secretary of State for Disabled People, Work and Health announced this morning wide ranging changes to the qualification criteria for PIP (Personal Independence Payment). The payment, designed to assist individuals who are long term...

NHS admit to clicking ‘remind me later’ on McAfee update for seven years straight

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NHS digital has come under fire from computer security professionals; as an investigation into yesterday's Malware virus has revealed NHS used McAfee and hadn't updated it in seven years. "Honestly, bloody McAfee?" Said digital security expert Mike...

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