Morrissey spends days in bed

0
Tragic news has reached us here at The Rochdale Herald for all lovers of the morbid mopheaded muso and former front man of The...
homeopath

NHS increase Homeopathy budget by 0.0000001%

Campaigners are thrilled after their campaign to reverse a decision by NHS bosses to no longer prescribe homeopathy on the NHS. After winning the right...

NHS hospitals to sell postcards to capitalise on booming health tourism

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The Department of Health issued a press release this morning announcing that all NHS hospitals were to begin retailing postcards in order to capitalise...

World Health Organisation on standby as UK confirms youngest ever case of man-flu

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Officials at the World Health Organisation have raised the threat level of a global pandemic to full alert.

Coronavirus equals UK mortality rate of Michael Barrymore’s swimming pool

0
The Government has announced that as many people in the UK have died from Coronavirus as have been found dead in Michael Barrymore's swimming...
Theresa May

Theresa May Sectioned for safety after gibberish speech about Brexit

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The Prime Minister was taken into protective custody at a secure mental health unit this afternoon, for her own safety. A spokesperson for Meadows and...

UK obesity epidemic to be tackled by driving the Coca-Cola truck through towns and...

0
Coca Cola have announced that the driver of their self-proclaimed ‘traditional’ Christmas Truck has been instructed to keep moving through the UK towns and...

Attention seeker Brian Harvey arrested after sending himself abusive Tweets

0
Former East 17 Band member and serial own foot shooter Brian Harvey is said to be in trouble with the police over alleged malicious...
Boris Johnson

“Operation Cumshot” – UK gov commits to spunking £100bn on wizard wheeze

0
The UK government has announce a new initiative to spend £100bn on a COVID-19 testing programme, the Rochdale Herald has learned. The initiative, the budget...
theresa nay laughing

May announces bed sharing and brunch in effort to save NHS

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The NHS is in crisis, dead bodies litter corridors and elderly people lie stranded, a trip hazard for nurses, and a health and safety...

Littlest Hobo declared fit for work by ATOS

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Everyone remembers getting a little teary to the Littlest Hobo, don’t they? Each episode he’d make some friends and then leave, just as they were...
Hospital

Salisbury hospital closes and two critically injured after being exposed to Jeremy hunt

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Salisbury hospital was closed today and 2 people are still critically ill today amidst extraordinary scenes said to be the result of Jeremy Hunt. The...
Doctor

Government to solve doctor shortage by drafting in Job Centre  assessors

26
Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt outlined plans today to "fill the doctor void" with medically untrained Job Centre staff. The move has come under heavy criticism...
Hippy shit

Two kids remember something – proves some hippy shit totally

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With all the scientific rigour of a hippy Merlin with a bone through his nose, the BBC headlines recently included the assertion that the...

Doctors desperately hoping Rees Mogg falls ill

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Following Jacob Rees-Mogg's bullying tirade on a doctor who dared challenge his smug assertions on talk radio, many people have challenged the pusillanimous human...

Naked gym guy insists “I’m just high on life”

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Reports are circulating that a middle aged man stripped stark bollock naked last night at local budget gym, LoveMuscle. Eyewitnesses claim he was beating his...

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