Littlest Hobo declared fit for work by ATOS

Everyone remembers getting a little teary to the Littlest Hobo, don’t they? Each episode he’d make some friends and then leave, just as they were getting fond of him. (Possibly because he’d dropped a huge...

One in four NHS hospitals have turned to STRIPPING to make ends meet

Almost a quarter of the nation's hospitals have turned to stripping to make up for funding shortfalls, according to a new report. Commissioned by a group of Ralf Little fans and shared exclusively with the...

NHS to be shut down so sick people can get used to feeling poorly 

In a shock move Sunday UK chancellor Philip Hammond, announced that his first budget on Wednesday will outline plans for a complete end to all funding for the National Health Service in an effort...
Boris Johnson

I’m not against loonies, I gave Boris a job says May

A spokesperson who claims to be from Theresa May's office has called to defend Theresa May after this writer- allegedly- implied that she was not entirely sincere in her public drive to tackle mental...
Grooming

New male grooming products launched

Metrosexuals all over the country were overcome with delight today as Snake Oil salesmen L'Oreal, released an new line of grooming products for men in a star studded press conference. The jackboot of pressure placed...

Trump redefines Pre-existing Conditions as type of terror

A new kind of terrorism is trying to destroy the great American dream, according to the Trump Administration today. “Pre-existing conditions are trying to ruin this great nation,” said Trump's gob piece, Sean Spicer, “and...
Boots

Morning-after pill still cheaper than taking kids to Spain during School Holidays insists Boots Chief...

High street chemist Boots have defied public pressure to reduce the price of their emergency contraceptive pill claiming it represents excellent value for money compared to trying to find an affordable family holiday during...

Woman chains herself up in bid to stop voting for the Conservatives

A mother is so desperate to stop voting for the Conservatives she has chained herself up in her room to prevent access to a polling booth. Over the past 11 days, Katie has attached herself...

Smug twat who gave up smoking for New Year has no friends left

New depths of smugness have been plumbed by a man in Clitheroe who gave up smoking on the 1st of January. Tomothy Morning-Wood, who had been a smoker for over 30 years until January 2018,...
Doctors

Rochdale A+E under stress from record levels of chafing

A + E departments and walk in clinics are struggling to deal with thousands of cases of extreme chafing caused by the hot weather. John Welsby of Middleton was turned away from a walk in clinic...
Doctors

Increase in breast injuries as Brexit voters admit to feeling right tits

The number of women reporting breast injuries has increased dramatically since June 2016, according to Dr Feltham Bubiz, head of Unspeakable Female Problems at Rochdale General Hospital. "There must be a connection with the referendum," Dr Bubiz...

World hunger solved after Jeremy Corbyn urinates on field

World hunger has been declared over after Jeremy Corbyn urinated on a field just outside Rochdale. One aide told us, "Jeremy was returning from one of his meet and greets with local activists. He'd had...

NHS partner with WhatsApp to reboot IT project

In a move to reduce costs and breathe new life into the long-abandoned £11.4 billion Centralised Records System, the NHS has announced a partnership with WhatsApp to improve access to patient data. WhatsApp, owned by...

Jeremy Hunt to introduce Pay Per View Patient Records

NHS officials have confirmed reports that health minister Jeremy Hunt has been hacked. "Since his initial appointment as health minister in 2012 we have been working on the assumption that Hunt was a particularly pernicious form of malware,"...

UKIP Politician selling more than just political lies

Welsh UKIPper, Andrew “IQ not very” Haigh doesn't just sell bullshit through his party, it transpires. The national organiser for Wales also sells utter bollocks in physical form. Haigh runs a company called Vitalox that promises...

STD’s seek Brexit freedom of movement assurances

Several prominent sexually-transmitted infections have today sought assurances from the Government that Brexit will not have a negative impact on their European transmission rates.  In an open letter to MPs, the disease organisms expressed concerns that restrictions...

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