There were grave concerns for Katie Hopkins today when the massive chip she uses as a shoulder deepened and caused her arm to calve from the giant ice shelf that is the rest of her.
Paramedics were called to assist and applied gaffer tape and spit to both portions of the crusading social commentator and jammed her arm back into her shoulder socket.
Passersby gave this account,
“The way she collapsed in the train station we thought it was her bleeding heart at first. Poor love wears it on her sleeve, it’s bound to get injured at some point. But when she dropped the suitcase she carries her bile around in, we realised it was to do with the massive chip which serves as her shoulder.”
Ms Hopkins was reluctantly transferred to a nearby hospital, where no doubt, a varied collection of hospital staff unlikely to have a valid reason for being in the UK, assisted Ms Hopkins to the stage where the chip was a functioning part of her person again.
An aide to Ms Hopkins also gave a statement.
“Foreigners are dirty. I don’t know why they don’t wash more often? Katie is clean. She has to stay very clean. If she doesn’t the dirt will jam up the chip on her shoulder and then she can’t carry her suitcase of bile and division based on accident of birth about.”
Happily Katie was able to continue her journey and is believed to have arrived at a massive convention of people who hate people and don’t know why.
At least she’ll be in like minded company as she continues her recovery.
We’re sending her our thoughts and prayers.