A former member of the cult of Crossfit, Steve ‘Tits’ Day, has spoken for the first time having made a full recovery from his formerly toned and healthy condition.
Happily now surrounded by pizza boxes and KFC wet wipes he insisted that he was trapped in a financially motivated web of zealots. Steve told the Rochdale Herald:
“Although I was with them for two-and-a-half or three years, I was on their books for about six. They get gym membership from members. You pay to join and then you pay some more. I got nothing back. Apart from losing 160lb’s and getting really, really fit.”
The Church of Crossfit has set up a new www.paleoandsmug.com but it gives little information about the sect, except a request for donations.
Mr McGhee told us, in between mouthfuls of stuffed crust, garlic and herb sauce dripping from his chins.
“That’s what they do. They lure you in with the promise of ‘constantly varied functional movement performed at high intensity’. What they don’t tell you is that you become a bit tedious and talk about Crossfit all the time. Men dislike you, women won’t talk to you. Unless they do Crossfit too” he said while picking the remnants of last night’s kebab meat from between his yellowing teeth.
“I’m a lot happier now” he said “although I do find that women still don’t talk to me and I’m out of breath walking up a flight of stairs.”