80’s TV ad star and renowned juice producer, Derek Monte, was rushed to hospital yesterday and  immediately diagnosed with scurvy, a debilitating illness caused by a severe vitamin C deficiency that commonly affected pirates and sailors in the 1800’s because of their long stints at sea without fresh produce.

Mr. Monte was offered ‘a perfect’ orange by the doctor tending him but, after examining it, he merely said “No.”

Eventually he was given a concentrated orange juice drip and doctors predict that his condition will stabilise in the next 2-3 days.

Mr. Monte’s brother, Don, said;

“It’s quite odd really, Del despises all things fruit. He can’t stand oranges especially and he never drinks any fruit juice, it’s mad considering his chosen line of work.”