The Conservative Party has released its newest manifesto pledge to increase A&E floor space in the 40 hospitals they are definitely not building, as well as ensuring 50,000 more coats for sick children to lie on.

The pledge comes after the shocking revelation that the Leeds A&E department was so overcrowded that a 4 year old boy with pneumonia was forced to lie on the floor.

The Conservative party who are struggling to appear even half way sincere about improving the NHS, came under heavy public scrutiny earlier today as Boris Johnson refused to look at the photo of the poorly young child; presumably because the image of such abhorrent misery would cause the PM to spaff up a wall in ecstasy.

Culture Secretary Nicky Morgan has announced the increased floor space will be twinned with a boost of 50,000 more coats for children to lie on, though this number has come under some scrutiny by fact checkers, as it appears 19,000 of the coats are to be sourced from patients who have died whilst waiting to be treated.

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