Bearded Trotskyite do-gooder, Jeremy Corbyn has taken a break from sending care packages full of homemade jam to terrorists, to nationalise absolutely everything.

Clueless commie Corbyn, in a bid to secure the votes of millions who can’t afford so much as a dental checkup has promised to scrap fees, outraging absolutely everyone with teeth

When asked where Loony Lefty Labour will find the money to help poor people not suffer from gum disease, Marxist poppy burner Corbyn said they would tax the super rich.

“Corbyn’s plans to tax billionaires will be catastrophic to billionaires” said one billionaire

In response to insane investor Labour, a fiscally responsible Conservative party spokesman said, “First he prattles on about bringing power and utilities back under public control, then he goes on about transport and telecoms – let me tell you, we didn’t sell off all those services at a fraction of market value and then subsidise those private companies for years only to see them get properly taxed or brought back at a fair price.”

19th century vegetable highwayman/ satirist. Likes: the sound of a solitary house fly loitering hectically around his ear and the feeling of a warm toilet seat. Favourite topic: writing about political intrigue involving biscuits.