Foxes across the UK have voted in favour of repealing the 2004 fox hunting ban, following a Government promise to issue them with ‘iconic’ passports in a colour of their choice.
Just over 51% of foxes expressed a desire to see the ban lifted, with many claiming that the reinstatement of fox hunting would give them the right to be viciously dismembered in a countryside that was free from “outsider meddling”. It is understood that many older foxes saw the ban as a challenge to their sovereign right to be treated like vermin, with a large number in favour of being hunted to death if it meant that they no longer had to be protected by “loony left” animals rights legislation.
“This silly ban was just another case of political correctness gone mad,” said elderly spokesfox, Arthur Reynard, 5.
“My father, grandfather, and great grandfather were all viciously torn apart by bloodthirsty hounds and it never did them any harm. Criminalising people who want to hunt us to exhaustion and then set dogs on us is just another example of the liberal elite’s attempts to stifle free speech.”
Initial support for the ban is understood to have been eroded by a highly-vocal populist movement that sought to persuade native foxes that allowing hunting would deter foreign foxes from wanting to enter the UK. Other foxes are believed to have been persuaded to vote for the repeal after seeing a slogan painted on the side of a cow promising that 350 chickens a week would be donated to the fox population by grateful farmers.
However, the turning point appears to have been a government vow to provide foxes with their own passports.
“I have no idea what a passport is or what it would be used for, but it is clearly symbolic of our right to self-determination,” said Reynard.
“What colour are we going to ask for? No idea, we’re completely colour blind.”
A Government spokesman told the Herald that the passport’s design was still in the early stages of development but provided that the covers would be made from a natural material that would soon be available in abundance.
“Fox skin, obviously. The stupid bastards.”