A genocidal bastard from Lancashire has demanded that he has his tummy tickled this morning.

The mass murderer called Mr Wiggles made the request this morning after spending the night murdering babies and dismembering their parents.

Authorities told The Rochdale Herald “I’m not sure this psycho deserves to have his tummy tickled after what he’s done.”

“But he’s just so cute, how can I say no to that face.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.