Turkey escapes Christmas by identifying as a golden eagle.

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A turkey on a Norfolk farm has been spared slaughter after claiming to identify as a majestic bird of prey. "Once I found a tin...

South Yorkshire Police arrest tree during tree felling protest

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The long standing dispute over the unpopular and legally dubious felling of Sheffield street trees took a bizarre new turn when South Yorkshire Police...

Priti Patel congratulates Boris Johnson on arrival of 3001005789th baby boy

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Priti Patel, Minister for whatever the heck it is she does has been one of the first Government Ministers to congratulate Boris Johnson and...

New York Giraffe constipated not pregnant

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On the 11th of February, the Animal Adventure Park in Harpursville, New York began a live feed from the inside of a Giraffe pen. 'April' the...
David Cameron Shed

‘It was a mistake not a disaster’ – Cameron opens up about PigGate

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Former prime minister David Cameron says placing his genitals in the mouth of a severed pigs head has 'turned out less badly than I...
Lions

Dickheads eaten by lions

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At least three dickheads have been mauled to death and eaten by some lovely lions after breaking into a wildlife reserve in South Africa. The...

Attenborough Discovers New Great Ape Species In America

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Noted elderly naturist David Attenborough was cock-a-hoop yesterday when he announced the discovery of the first new species of great ape for many years. Mr...

Who you calling dangerous? Asks Kumbuka

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Today the Rochdale Herald is delighted to bring you our exclusive interview with Kumbuka the gorilla who briefly escaped from London Zoo this week. RH:...

Pigeon chess champion embarrassed at being included in metaphor with Boris Johnson

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A pigeon chess grand master from Rochdale has been telling us how he finds it a embarrassing to be included with Boris Johnson in...
Lemmings jumpring from cliff

Lemming suicide myth rebunked

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For many years the myth persisted that Lemmus lemmus, known to you and I as the lemming, would inexplicably hurl itself into the abyss...

Dead whale found in Thames was Russian spy

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The Government have announced that a whale that has been found dead beside the River Thames was a Russian spy. The whale was found beside...

A little food for thought… A pack of wolves

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The three in front are old & sick, they walk in front to set the pace of the running group lest they get left...

Lost Amazon Tribe found really fit and well

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Startling news reached us today that a lost tribe of warehouse workers has been found "really fit" and well in an Amazon 'fulfilment centre'...

Packham challenges Attenborough in bid to become BBC Natural History Unit alpha male

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Chris Packham has challenged Sir David Attenborough in a bid to become the BBC Natural History Unit's alpha male. In a display that witnesses have...

Tickle my tummy, says genocidal bastard

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A genocidal bastard from Lancashire has demanded that he has his tummy tickled this morning. The mass murderer called Mr Wiggles made the request this...
John Lewis Weasel

Russia denies involvement as Springwatch ‘Favourite British Wild Animal’ poll won by the weasel.

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Questions have been asked as the BBC Springwatch poll to find Britain's favourite wild animal was convincingly won by the weasel. "I have to say...

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