New York Giraffe constipated not pregnant

On the 11th of February, the Animal Adventure Park in Harpursville, New York began a live feed from the inside of a Giraffe pen. 'April' the 15 year old Giraffe was believed to be in the...

Turkey escapes Christmas by identifying as a golden eagle.

A turkey on a Norfolk farm has been spared slaughter after claiming to identify as a majestic bird of prey. "Once I found a tin of gold spray paint round the back of the shed,...

Pedigree Siberian hamster spotted near Brighton

Christmas came early for a rare pedigree Siberian hamster called Dorothy who's been found safe and well in Upper Dicker, East Sussex, this week. She was spotted by Mrs Smelta Ratt whilst on the...

Pigeon chess champion embarrassed at being included in metaphor with Boris Johnson

A pigeon chess grand master from Rochdale has been telling us how he finds it a embarrassing to be included with Boris Johnson in a metaphor about Brexit. The metaphor appeared on Rochdale resident, Board's...

Dead whale found in Thames was Russian spy

The Government have announced that a whale that has been found dead beside the River Thames was a Russian spy. The whale was found beside Battersea Bridge yesterday afternoon. One Government source told...

Rochdale pigeons attempt to teach Rochdale ‘couple art of love’

Two Rochdale pigeons have tonight, for the fourth night in a row, spent 45 minutes teaching Rochdale couple Stephen and Mary King the art of love. The pigeons, who recently moved into a tree across from...

Smallbridge Flats Man Convinced Pigeon Likes to Watch him Hoover Naked

While spending a good portion of his weekly income on the Euromillions, Mr. Garry Lee Shaw complained about the fifth or even sixth time that week that he’d seen the exact same pigeon outside...
Flat earth map

Sheffield Council declare majority of citizens think world is flat

Sheffield Council has been forced to declare their belief in a flat earth after applying the same statistical analysis to a recent on-line poll of a group of Sheffield residents on the shape of...

Scientists name new species of pot-bellied pig after Paul Golding

Hot on the heels of naming a new species of shrimp after wall breaking rockers Pink Floyd, zoologists have named a newly discovered sub-species of Vietnamese Pot-bellied Pig after Paul Golding the leader of...

Idiot Dies in Karmic Avalanche

An idiot died in an avalanche of Karma in the town of Colle delle Oche near Turin, Italy yesterday. Veterinarian Luciano Ponzetto, who split his time between overcharging old ladies for placebo treatments on handbag...

Rochdale scientists breed Christmas ‘turkberry’

Top food scientists say they are 'very close' to successfully breeding a turkey with a cranberry bush. The new 'turkberry' hybrid bush-bird could be on our Christmas dinner tables as early as next year, if...
Hunter hunting elephants

Nearly okay to kill elephants again

As we take in the wonderful news of the large increase in the number of elephants across the south of Africa, Zimbabwe has called for the legalization of the ivory trade. Zimbabwe, famous for its...
Blue Planet

Outrage as BBC confirms NONE of tonight’s Blue Planet II animals will be wearing...

The BBC has issued an apology after leaked footage of tonight's 'Blue Planet II' revealed that NONE of the animals featured will be wearing a Remembrance Day poppy.  The 'Coral Reefs' episode due to be aired this...
John Lewis Weasel

Accusations of Racism Hit John Lewis Commercial

The new John Lewis advert, featuring a black British family giving their daughter a trampoline for Christmas has been denounced as racist. "It's an outrage!' said Paul Slaithwaite (53) 'Badgers, foxes, squirrels, hedgehogs, they...

BBC confident Planet Earth 3 will contain ‘at least 80% Attenborough’

The BBC are desperately trying to complete series 3 of their hugely popular Planet Earth programme, as with all the fuckery 2016 has offered up so far, bosses are worried that Sir David Attenborough...
Hippies Hippy

Hippy English woman ‘is a pain in the arse’ say Indians

A woman from Rochdale who has been to India on a spiritual journey to find herself is just a monumental pain in the arse, say local Indians. Morning Dew Gojiflower, (not her real name, which...

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