Donald Trump says he’s especially proud that Hurricane Harvey is bigger than any Hurricane President Obama presided over.
In a speech he said, “Watched CNN last night. Fake news. Fox say this is going to be the bigliest hurricane ever. This Texas hurricane is amazing. On TV I saw flattened houses. Can you believe that there were more flattened houses in just 1 hour than during any whole storm seen when Obama was President? Not many people know this, but I own a mansion in Galveston. I love the great State of Texas bigly. Except those who voted against me. I hope they all drown.”
Texas Governor Greg Abbot had warned of record rainfall levels. In response Trump said, “We’re going to have an unbelievable, perhaps record-setting level of rainfall. Bigglier than under Obama, Bush and any previous President. Perhaps even bigglier than Katrina. Maybe even bigglier than Noah. Maybe I’m gonna build an Ark. I’ve got the experience to build Arks. Nobody builds Arks like me.”
The storm marks a change for Trump as it’s the first disaster of his Presidency that he hasn’t caused. One White House advisor said, “It’s going to be interesting seeing how he manages to screw this one up. He’ll no doubt find a way. He says we all consistently underestimate him. It’s true, we do. Perhaps he’ll send the KKK in as first aiders or something. Whatever it is you can guarantee that he’ll blame CNN for it or something.”
In his closing comments on Harvey, Trump said, “Those people at CNN saying this is a massive disaster. It’s fake news. This is a chance to make America great again. You know why they say this is a disaster? They’re jealous. I went to better schools than they did. I was a better student than they were. I live in the White House.”
It’s been alleged that Trump intends to put Steve Bannon in charge of the response to any disaster in Texas. On hearing this news the White House advisor said, “Oh shoot. I’ve got to go. He just put Bannon in charge and says he’s more popular than Jesus. Then he began ranting about latin immigration into Texas and using Federal disaster funds to build a wall.”