Whales begin having Tupperware parties due to levels of plastic pollution

Researchers have discovered that there is now so much plastic in the worlds oceans that whales have started to hold Tupperware parties. Professor Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College said, "It's almost 6 decades since suburban women...
David Cameron Shed

‘It was a mistake not a disaster’ – Cameron opens up about PigGate

Former prime minister David Cameron says placing his genitals in the mouth of a severed pigs head has 'turned out less badly than I first thought' He used the words "mistake, not a disaster" in...

Scientists name new species of pot-bellied pig after Paul Golding

Hot on the heels of naming a new species of shrimp after wall breaking rockers Pink Floyd, zoologists have named a newly discovered sub-species of Vietnamese Pot-bellied Pig after Paul Golding the leader of...

South Yorkshire Police arrest tree during tree felling protest

The long standing dispute over the unpopular and legally dubious felling of Sheffield street trees took a bizarre new turn when South Yorkshire Police diverted from their tactic of arresting people under out of...
Pigeons

Rochdale pigeons attempt to teach Rochdale ‘couple art of love’

Two Rochdale pigeons have tonight, for the fourth night in a row, spent 45 minutes teaching Rochdale couple Stephen and Mary King the art of love. The pigeons, who recently moved into a tree across from...
Turkberry

Rochdale scientists breed Christmas ‘turkberry’

Top food scientists say they are 'very close' to successfully breeding a turkey with a cranberry bush. The new 'turkberry' hybrid bush-bird could be on our Christmas dinner tables as early as next year, if...

Who you calling dangerous? Asks Kumbuka

Today the Rochdale Herald is delighted to bring you our exclusive interview with Kumbuka the gorilla who briefly escaped from London Zoo this week. RH: Good morning, Kumbuka. Kumbuka: Whatcha. Listen, I need to correct you...

Christians, Muslims, Satanists Opposed To Pokemon Go

Following the UK release of Pokemon Go ten days ago, several prominent spokespersons for leading UK religious organisations have spoken out, condemning the game as being opposed to the basic tenets of their religion. Facebook...
Magic Mushroom

Magic mushroom season not as bad as rumoured

Rumours that this year's magic mushroom season has been a let down are made of regret and the memory of socks from Bolivia, says a lamp in this giant spoon. The story began once upon...
Lions

Dickheads eaten by lions

At least three dickheads have been mauled to death and eaten by some lovely lions after breaking into a wildlife reserve in South Africa. The dickheads entered the Sibuya Game Reserve armed with a rifle,...

Government expands badger cull to five new areas despite warnings it doesn’t work

We to need press on with the solution,  said Theressa May when questioned before all the MP's went on their jollies, leaving the country to run better by itself. "Et jus' don't werk" said...
Blue Planet

Outrage as BBC confirms NONE of tonight’s Blue Planet II animals will be wearing...

The BBC has issued an apology after leaked footage of tonight's 'Blue Planet II' revealed that NONE of the animals featured will be wearing a Remembrance Day poppy.  The 'Coral Reefs' episode due to be aired this...

Attenborough Discovers New Great Ape Species In America

Noted elderly naturist David Attenborough was cock-a-hoop yesterday when he announced the discovery of the first new species of great ape for many years. Mr Attenborough announced "We have certainly discovered a new great ape....
Hurricane

Trump ecstatic hurricane Harvey is bigger than every hurricane under Obama

Donald Trump says he's especially proud that Hurricane Harvey is bigger than any Hurricane President Obama presided over. In a speech he said, "Watched CNN last night. Fake news. Fox say this is going...

Pedigree Siberian hamster spotted near Brighton

Christmas came early for a rare pedigree Siberian hamster called Dorothy who's been found safe and well in Upper Dicker, East Sussex, this week. She was spotted by Mrs Smelta Ratt whilst on the...

A little food for thought… A pack of wolves

The three in front are old & sick, they walk in front to set the pace of the running group lest they get left behind. There were five in the front group but sadly...

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