Tsunami threat issued for East coast of England after Yorkshireman does massive poo
A Tsunami threat has been issued for the East coast of England after a man who hasn't had a shit for a week...
Britons thrilled by early encounter with year’s first Wasp
Millions of Britons were given an early taste of the joys of springtime over the weekend, after the unseasonable February warmth prompted the first...
Christians, Muslims, Satanists Opposed To Pokemon Go
Following the UK release of Pokemon Go ten days ago, several prominent spokespersons for leading UK religious organisations have spoken out, condemning the game...
Nearly okay to kill elephants again
As we take in the wonderful news of the large increase in the number of elephants across the south of Africa, Zimbabwe has called...
BBC confident Planet Earth 3 will contain ‘at least 80% Attenborough’
The BBC are desperately trying to complete series 3 of their hugely popular Planet Earth programme, as with all the fuckery 2016 has offered...
Lemming suicide myth rebunked
For many years the myth persisted that Lemmus lemmus, known to you and I as the lemming, would inexplicably hurl itself into the abyss...
Corbyn pledges 60,000 Mosques to built every year
The beleaguered 'leader' of the 'opposition' made the bizzare statement in an interview with Andrew Neil earlier today.
When asked what his motivation for such...
Priti Patel congratulates Boris Johnson on arrival of 3001005789th baby boy
Priti Patel, Minister for whatever the heck it is she does has been one of the first Government Ministers to congratulate Boris Johnson and...
Gove clarifies that Government will extend the term non-sentient to include any living being...
In a desperate bid to look like the Tories are not using Brexit as an excuse to bring back fox hunting, cock fighting, prima...
Russia denies involvement as Springwatch ‘Favourite British Wild Animal’ poll won by the weasel.
Questions have been asked as the BBC Springwatch poll to find Britain's favourite wild animal was convincingly won by the weasel.
"I have to say...
Cats growing increasingly desperate to find cure for Coronavirus
Pet cats have announced that they're ramping up their efforts to find a cure for Coronavirus as many find they're now forced to spend...
Attenborough Discovers New Great Ape Species In America
Noted elderly naturist David Attenborough was cock-a-hoop yesterday when he announced the discovery of the first new species of great ape for many years.
Mr...
Pay attention to my sexual preferences not my instincts as a predator, said Kevin...
In an emotional statement to the world's press meant to deflect allegations he has a penchant for baby antelope, Kevin the Lion has come...
Tickle my tummy, says genocidal bastard
A genocidal bastard from Lancashire has demanded that he has his tummy tickled this morning.
The mass murderer called Mr Wiggles made the request this...
Pigeon chess champion embarrassed at being included in metaphor with Boris Johnson
A pigeon chess grand master from Rochdale has been telling us how he finds it a embarrassing to be included with Boris Johnson in...
Bears cleared of ‘shitting in the woods’ says watchdog
The independent Bear Complaints Commission has found that there is no evidence that bears are guilty of shitting in the woods.
The misconduct watchdog,...
