Bears cleared of ‘shitting in the woods’ says watchdog
The independent Bear Complaints Commission has found that there is no evidence that bears are guilty of shitting in the woods.
The misconduct watchdog,...
Outrage as BBC confirms NONE of tonight’s Blue Planet II animals will be wearing...
The BBC has issued an apology after leaked footage of tonight's 'Blue Planet II' revealed that NONE of the animals featured will be wearing a...
Attenborough Discovers New Great Ape Species In America
Noted elderly naturist David Attenborough was cock-a-hoop yesterday when he announced the discovery of the first new species of great ape for many years.
Mr...
Tickle my tummy, says genocidal bastard
A genocidal bastard from Lancashire has demanded that he has his tummy tickled this morning.
The mass murderer called Mr Wiggles made the request this...
Pay attention to my sexual preferences not my instincts as a predator, said Kevin...
In an emotional statement to the world's press meant to deflect allegations he has a penchant for baby antelope, Kevin the Lion has come...
Idiot Dies in Karmic Avalanche
An idiot died in an avalanche of Karma in the town of Colle delle Oche near Turin, Italy yesterday.
Veterinarian Luciano Ponzetto, who split his...
Nearly okay to kill elephants again
As we take in the wonderful news of the large increase in the number of elephants across the south of Africa, Zimbabwe has called...
Alien Overlords to Admit Existence is a computer simulation.
It is to be announced that reality as we understand it is nothing more than a computer simulation.
The shock admission was beamed into the...
Trump ecstatic hurricane Harvey is bigger than every hurricane under Obama
Donald Trump says he's especially proud that Hurricane Harvey is bigger than any Hurricane President Obama presided over.
In a speech he said, "Watched...
Dickheads eaten by lions
At least three dickheads have been mauled to death and eaten by some lovely lions after breaking into a wildlife reserve in South Africa.
The...
Britons thrilled by early encounter with year’s first Wasp
Millions of Britons were given an early taste of the joys of springtime over the weekend, after the unseasonable February warmth prompted the first...
BBC confident Planet Earth 3 will contain ‘at least 80% Attenborough’
The BBC are desperately trying to complete series 3 of their hugely popular Planet Earth programme, as with all the fuckery 2016 has offered...
Magic mushroom season not as bad as rumoured
Rumours that this year's magic mushroom season has been a let down are made of regret and the memory of socks from Bolivia, says...
Government expands badger cull to five new areas despite warnings it doesn’t work
We to need press on with the solution, said Theressa May when questioned before all the MP's went on their jollies, leaving the...
Bear Cancels Plan To Shit In Woods
Bryan Pickle, an unemployed brown bear, interrupted a meeting at The National History Museum this morning to make a surprise announcement.
"I've been thinking about...
Whales begin having Tupperware parties due to levels of plastic pollution
Researchers have discovered that there is now so much plastic in the worlds oceans that whales have started to hold Tupperware parties.
Professor Frederick Seddon of...
