Attenborough Discovers New Great Ape Species In America
Noted elderly naturist David Attenborough was cock-a-hoop yesterday when he announced the discovery of the first new species of great ape for many years.
Mr...
Pigeon chess champion embarrassed at being included in metaphor with Boris Johnson
A pigeon chess grand master from Rochdale has been telling us how he finds it a embarrassing to be included with Boris Johnson in...
Dead whale found in Thames was Russian spy
The Government have announced that a whale that has been found dead beside the River Thames was a Russian spy.
The whale was found beside...
Lemming suicide myth rebunked
For many years the myth persisted that Lemmus lemmus, known to you and I as the lemming, would inexplicably hurl itself into the abyss...
Government expands badger cull to five new areas despite warnings it doesn’t work
We to need press on with the solution, said Theressa May when questioned before all the MP's went on their jollies, leaving the...
Dog who wanted to go outside immediately wants to come back in
A dog who has spent the last hour and a half peering longingly through the patio doors at the garden is now peering longingly...
Hippy English woman ‘is a pain in the arse’ say Indians
A woman from Rochdale who has been to India on a spiritual journey to find herself is just a monumental pain in the arse,...
Gove clarifies that Government will extend the term non-sentient to include any living being...
In a desperate bid to look like the Tories are not using Brexit as an excuse to bring back fox hunting, cock fighting, prima...
Whales begin having Tupperware parties due to levels of plastic pollution
Researchers have discovered that there is now so much plastic in the worlds oceans that whales have started to hold Tupperware parties.
Professor Frederick Seddon of...
Alien Overlords to Admit Existence is a computer simulation.
It is to be announced that reality as we understand it is nothing more than a computer simulation.
The shock admission was beamed into the...
South Yorkshire Police arrest tree during tree felling protest
The long standing dispute over the unpopular and legally dubious felling of Sheffield street trees took a bizarre new turn when South Yorkshire Police...
‘It was a mistake not a disaster’ – Cameron opens up about PigGate
Former prime minister David Cameron says placing his genitals in the mouth of a severed pigs head has 'turned out less badly than I...
Christians, Muslims, Satanists Opposed To Pokemon Go
Following the UK release of Pokemon Go ten days ago, several prominent spokespersons for leading UK religious organisations have spoken out, condemning the game...
Packham challenges Attenborough in bid to become BBC Natural History Unit alpha male
Chris Packham has challenged Sir David Attenborough in a bid to become the BBC Natural History Unit's alpha male.
In a display that witnesses have...
Turkey escapes Christmas by identifying as a golden eagle.
A turkey on a Norfolk farm has been spared slaughter after claiming to identify as a majestic bird of prey.
"Once I found a tin...
House spiders launch campaign to reduce number of ‘sleeping mouth’ fatalities
A group of house spiders has launched a campaign aimed at reducing the number of arachnids being swallowed by sleeping humans.
