Alien Overlords to Admit Existence is a computer simulation.

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It is to be announced that reality as we understand it is nothing more than a computer simulation. The shock admission was beamed into the...

Gove clarifies that Government will extend the term non-sentient to include any living being...

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In a desperate bid to look like the Tories are not using Brexit as an excuse to bring back fox hunting, cock fighting, prima...
Brown bear in woods

Bear Cancels Plan To Shit In Woods

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Bryan Pickle, an unemployed brown bear, interrupted a meeting at The National History Museum this morning to make a surprise announcement. "I've been thinking about...

Packham challenges Attenborough in bid to become BBC Natural History Unit alpha male

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Chris Packham has challenged Sir David Attenborough in a bid to become the BBC Natural History Unit's alpha male. In a display that witnesses have...

Pedigree Siberian hamster spotted near Brighton

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Christmas came early for a rare pedigree Siberian hamster called Dorothy who's been found safe and well in Upper Dicker, East Sussex, this week....

Turkey escapes Christmas by identifying as a golden eagle.

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A turkey on a Norfolk farm has been spared slaughter after claiming to identify as a majestic bird of prey. "Once I found a tin...
Blue Planet

Outrage as BBC confirms NONE of tonight’s Blue Planet II animals will be wearing...

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The BBC has issued an apology after leaked footage of tonight's 'Blue Planet II' revealed that NONE of the animals featured will be wearing a...

Cats growing increasingly desperate to find cure for Coronavirus

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Pet cats have announced that they're ramping up their efforts to find a cure for Coronavirus as many find they're now forced to spend...

Bears cleared of ‘shitting in the woods’ says watchdog

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The independent Bear Complaints Commission has found that there is no evidence that bears are guilty of shitting in the woods. The misconduct watchdog,...

Dead whale found in Thames was Russian spy

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The Government have announced that a whale that has been found dead beside the River Thames was a Russian spy. The whale was found beside...
Dog Window

Dog who wanted to go outside immediately wants to come back in

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A dog who has spent the last hour and a half peering longingly through the patio doors at the garden is now peering longingly...

New York Giraffe constipated not pregnant

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On the 11th of February, the Animal Adventure Park in Harpursville, New York began a live feed from the inside of a Giraffe pen. 'April' the...

Tsunami threat issued for East coast of England after Yorkshireman does massive poo

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A Tsunami threat has been issued for the East coast of England after a man who hasn't had a shit for a week...

Lost Amazon Tribe found really fit and well

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Startling news reached us today that a lost tribe of warehouse workers has been found "really fit" and well in an Amazon 'fulfilment centre'...
Turkberry

Rochdale scientists breed Christmas ‘turkberry’

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Top food scientists say they are 'very close' to successfully breeding a turkey with a cranberry bush. The new 'turkberry' hybrid bush-bird could be on...

Whales begin having Tupperware parties due to levels of plastic pollution

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Researchers have discovered that there is now so much plastic in the worlds oceans that whales have started to hold Tupperware parties. Professor Frederick Seddon of...

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