A pigeon chess grand master from Rochdale has been telling us how he finds it a embarrassing to be included with Boris Johnson in a metaphor about Brexit.
The metaphor appeared on Rochdale resident, Board’s political blog which currently has 4 followers. In the blog Board said that negotiating with Johnson must be like playing chess against a pigeon. The pigeon knocks all the pieces over and shits all over the board and struts around like it’s won the game.
Pigeon, Stumpy Flaps told us, “I find this sort of thing condescending. I’ve been a grand master chess champion for years and would never display such behaviour. I find it insulting to be included in a metaphor with someone as oafish as Johnson. When I took French pigeon chess champion Pierre Laflite on I flew from Rochdale to Paris myself. Johnson by comparison was forced to ask the way to the exit at Charles De Gaulle because the sign was in French. I notice that’s not in the metaphor.”
Stumpy went on, “Just because you’ve only seen pigeons with one leg flying into windows because they don’t know how they work doesn’t mean we’re all dumb. My great grandfather managed to reconcile quantum mechanics and classical mechanics into a unified universal theory. You don’t talk about that do you?”
Stumpy is said to be seeking legal advice in an effort to sue Board for defamation. He’ll file his case after eating his own body weight in berries an shitting all over Board’s new BMW.