Brown bear in woods

Bear Cancels Plan To Shit In Woods

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Bryan Pickle, an unemployed brown bear, interrupted a meeting at The National History Museum this morning to make a surprise announcement. "I've been thinking about...

Tsunami threat issued for East coast of England after Yorkshireman does massive poo

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A Tsunami threat has been issued for the East coast of England after a man who hasn't had a shit for a week...
John Lewis Weasel

Russia denies involvement as Springwatch ‘Favourite British Wild Animal’ poll won by the weasel.

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Questions have been asked as the BBC Springwatch poll to find Britain's favourite wild animal was convincingly won by the weasel. "I have to say...
Lemmings jumpring from cliff

Lemming suicide myth rebunked

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For many years the myth persisted that Lemmus lemmus, known to you and I as the lemming, would inexplicably hurl itself into the abyss...

South Yorkshire Police arrest tree during tree felling protest

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The long standing dispute over the unpopular and legally dubious felling of Sheffield street trees took a bizarre new turn when South Yorkshire Police...

Priti Patel congratulates Boris Johnson on arrival of 3001005789th baby boy

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Priti Patel, Minister for whatever the heck it is she does has been one of the first Government Ministers to congratulate Boris Johnson and...

Alien Overlords to Admit Existence is a computer simulation.

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It is to be announced that reality as we understand it is nothing more than a computer simulation. The shock admission was beamed into the...

Cats growing increasingly desperate to find cure for Coronavirus

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Pet cats have announced that they're ramping up their efforts to find a cure for Coronavirus as many find they're now forced to spend...
Hippies Hippy

Hippy English woman ‘is a pain in the arse’ say Indians

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A woman from Rochdale who has been to India on a spiritual journey to find herself is just a monumental pain in the arse,...

Lost Amazon Tribe found really fit and well

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Startling news reached us today that a lost tribe of warehouse workers has been found "really fit" and well in an Amazon 'fulfilment centre'...

Christians, Muslims, Satanists Opposed To Pokemon Go

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Following the UK release of Pokemon Go ten days ago, several prominent spokespersons for leading UK religious organisations have spoken out, condemning the game...
Flat earth map

Sheffield Council declare majority of citizens think world is flat

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Sheffield Council has been forced to declare their belief in a flat earth after applying the same statistical analysis to a recent on-line poll...
Lions

Dickheads eaten by lions

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At least three dickheads have been mauled to death and eaten by some lovely lions after breaking into a wildlife reserve in South Africa. The...

Smallbridge Flats Man Convinced Pigeon Likes to Watch him Hoover Naked

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While spending a good portion of his weekly income on the Euromillions, Mr. Garry Lee Shaw complained about the fifth or even sixth time...
Wasps

Britons thrilled by early encounter with year’s first Wasp

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Millions of Britons were given an early taste of the joys of springtime over the weekend, after the unseasonable February warmth prompted the first...

Whales begin having Tupperware parties due to levels of plastic pollution

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Researchers have discovered that there is now so much plastic in the worlds oceans that whales have started to hold Tupperware parties. Professor Frederick Seddon of...

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