The people responsible for negotiating the UK’s exit from the European Union have confirmed that three billion pounds is a completely reasonable sum of money to spend on a boat with a hole in it. 

The UK’s new aircraft carrier, HMS White Elephant, is leaking because of course it fucking is.

The Royal Navy’s future flagship is currently taking on water at the very metaphorical rate of about 350 litres every couple of hours.

A spokesman for the government said: “We weren’t to know that it had a hole in it until we put it in the water. It’s like most government initiatives, except Brexit that’ll float just fine.”

“£3.1Bn represents excellent value for money when you take into consideration all of the money we’ve saved by not buying any airplanes to go on it. We’re also saving a fortune on jet fuel and salaries for pilots.”

“The important thing to remember is that this is what the people voted for. A gigantic boat that serves no useful purpose and starts sinking the moment you put it near water.”

“It’s important that the United Kingdom invests in assets to be able to properly project power and the UK’s image around the world.”

“A large leaky boat with no airplanes that runs on Windows XP pretty much sums up the UK’s image on the world stage.”

There are currently 700 people working on board the aircraft carrier that has no airplanes on it. Doing what is anybody’s guess.

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.