Notorious Bachelor and soft core pornographer Hugh Hefner was pronounced dead this morning at his home, the Playboy Mansion, Los Angeles.

Early reports indicate that the blonde bimbo aficionado had died of natural causes at the age of 91; however, it appears the time of death may have been as long as 5 days ago.
County Coroner Chad Daver said;

“Due to the state of decomposition and rigorous mortis, I would say that Mr Hefner had died approximately four to five days ago; frankly, in a house so active with models, maids and photographers, I can’t understand how the body wasn’t identified sooner.”

The Playboy Mansion, where Hugh Hefner resided is used as a studio for his popular soft core pornographic magazine and video shoots and is inhabited by several of the Playboy magazine models, known as Play Bunnies; several of which are Mr Hefner’s girlfriends and sexual partners.

Some discussion has been raised at how a man with well known sexual appetites and several partners could have laid dead for the better part of a week.

“Hugh always liked to see us in the evenings, after his evening meal and medication. We attend to him in his room and take care of his needs, if you know what I mean.” Said one Playboy bunny.

“Usually he’s popped a Viagra and ready for us around 7 o’clock, so when we went into his room each night and saw him lay on the bed stiff with a grin on his face, we didn’t suspect anything was out of the ordinary.”

When asked about the lack of response, cold skin and smell of decomposition, the model, who wishes to remain nameless stated

“He was 91 years old, he was always cold, couldn’t really put any effort in and smelt that way since 2007.”

19th century vegetable highwayman/ satirist. Likes: the sound of a solitary house fly loitering hectically around his ear and the feeling of a warm toilet seat. Favourite topic: writing about political intrigue involving biscuits.