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Met Office alert after sighting of Geordie woman wearing jacket in...

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The Met Office has issued an almost unprecedented weather warning this evening after it was reported a woman was spotted on a night out in Newcastle city centre wearing a jacket.

Study finds Manchester United fans have smallest penises

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A new survey of football fans has discovered that Manchester United fans have significantly smaller penises than men who follow other teams. "It's not just...

Brexiteer skydiving team dies in tragic accident after replacing parachutes with...

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An entire elderly skydiving display team has died in a tragic accident in Essex this weekend after replacing their parachutes with an optimistic attitude. The...

Government appoints Franz Kafka as new Head of Test and Trace...

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Following reports that some people around the UK have been able to get a Coronavirus test the government has appointed the Bohemian novelist Franz...

Starbucks evacuated after customer Alan Akbar orders a coffee

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A Starbucks in Manchester was evacuated today after a man called Alan Akbar ordered a Caramel Frappuccino. Alan told us, "I was out shopping and...

Dozens dead after Chris Grayling attempts to make cup of tea

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News is coming in this morning of a terrible incident in central London that has left dozens dead and many hundreds horribly wounded. Eyewitnesses have...

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