The bloke who is doing all the work on the £15BN M62 road improvement scheme has been spotted on site for the first time since 2011.

The sighting happened near junction 9 almost three weeks ago and witnesses are still being treated for shock at Manchester Royal Infirmary.

Graham Barnes, the workman tasked with upgrading the entire North West motorway network, was allegedly spotted by the side of the M62 wearing a hardhat and a hi-viz jacket. Rumours that he might have been holding a shovel are still unconfirmed.

“It was a bit of a shock to be honest. I knew that Graham existed because somebody had to have put down all of those cones.” Trevor Billingham, a lorry driver from Heywood told The Rochdale Herald from his hospital bed “I’d have been less surprised to have seen Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster in Scammonden Reservoir.”

Jim O’Sullivan Highways England Chief Executive and the chap in charge of ensuring that traffic speeds on the M62 don’t exceed walking pace said: “We can only apologise for any shock and distress caused to the general public. Please rest assured the workman is more afraid of you than you are of him.”

“We’re just lucky that the traffic was completely stationary when Graham was spotted or there could have been a nasty collision.”

“Graham has gone back on sick on account of his nerves but he should be okay to do a little more digging and maybe move a few cones around in spring 2021.”

“Drivers can rest assured that they’ll not be distracted while they’re sitting in static traffic in the roadworks by any more workmen in the foreseeable future.”

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.