Football

Proper footie with a round ball and none of that sissy body armour

Wayne Rooney

Wayne Rooney moves from second best team in Manchester to second best team in...

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Thatched-roofed footballer Wayne Rooney was yesterday given away by the second best team in Manchester to the second best team in Liverpool. He moves...

Dogs will be allowed on the Pitch during the World Cup in Russia

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Man's best friend can now get even closer to the World Cup action. As Dogs will be allowed on the field during World Cup...
Wayne Rooney

Rooney arrested crying into bottle of 20/20 wearing Man Utd pyjamas

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My night of 20/20, Man Utd pyjamas and Steradent with mysterious brunette. Everton striker Wayne Rooney has been charged with drink-driving offences in the...
Donald Trump

Moron says something moronic

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A moron has uttered a statement that is totally devoid of intelligence, it has emerged. The exact words used in this situation concerned a...
Putin 2

FIFA rejects World Cup draw rigging allegations after Russia selected to play against Russia

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FIFA have been forced to defend more allegations of corruption after the 2018 World Cup hosts, Russia, were selected to play against themselves in...

Moaning Mourinho In Lip Wobble Outburst

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The future of games at Old Trafford are in doubt after Manchester United Manager Jose Mourinho demanded the removal of peas from referee's whistles...

Newcastle United fans looking forward to renewed access to match pies and beer

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The Toon Army are rejoicing following the news that Sports Direct Entrepreneur Sweat Shop owner, Mike Ashley, is to sell the Magpies. Realising that he...

Rochdale v Spurs – “New tarmac pitch should silence critics” says spokesfootballer

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"I'm prepared to admit that the playing surface wasn't perhaps 110%, but Mr Pinocchio has no right to criticise another club that might not...

BT and Sky TV will not allow Nuclear Winter Premiership break

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Sky TV and BT TV have both announced that the current Premier League TV rights deal precludes top-tier football a break in the event...
Christiano Ronaldo

Just £300,000 a month can feed a footballer for a whole week. Please give...

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It can be harrowing, truly tragic to see, to see a young, athletic, talented man to have to survive in squalid conditions, living on...

East London Charity Shops on standby to get loads of West Ham training kit...

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East London charity shops are preparing for a bumper delivery of training kit and promotional items after West Ham appointed David Moyes to their...

New EU rules send shock waves through the terraces

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New EU rules are set to send shock waves through the football terraces of the UK. According to sources close to the FA, the...

Big penis denies any link to Romelu Lukaku

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A big penis has spoken out today to deny any attachment to Manchester United striker Romelu Lukaku. Speaking to reporters outside his home address, the...
Christiano Ronaldo

Ronaldo vows to work the full six weeks to pay £13 million tax bill

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Many of us were shocked when top footballer, Cristiano Ronaldo was embroiled in tax evasion, especially to such a degree. The highly-regarded player, often hailed...

God shows that he hates Cristiano Ronaldo and Argentina

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God has revealed that he absolutely cannot stand Cristiano Ronaldo so he chose to favour Uruguay in yesterday's last 16 game. God or, The Word...
Neymar

‘I moved for new challenges’ says footballer now on three quarters of a million...

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Brazilian bladder-hoofer Naymar Davis Junior today explained his reasons for his £200 million move from Europe's most technically skilled, most competitive national football league...

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