Football

Proper footie with a round ball and none of that sissy body armour

God shows that he hates Cristiano Ronaldo and Argentina

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God has revealed that he absolutely cannot stand Cristiano Ronaldo so he chose to favour Uruguay in yesterday's last 16 game. God or, The Word...
Donald Trump

Moron says something moronic

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A moron has uttered a statement that is totally devoid of intelligence, it has emerged. The exact words used in this situation concerned a...

EFL admits to buying its footballs from a petrol station on Rochdale

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The English Football League has admitted buying its footballs from Denny’s Auto Diesel & Spar Mini-Mart on the Bury New Road in Rochdale. The...

BT and Sky TV will not allow Nuclear Winter Premiership break

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Sky TV and BT TV have both announced that the current Premier League TV rights deal precludes top-tier football a break in the event...

Dogs will be allowed on the Pitch during the World Cup in Russia

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Man's best friend can now get even closer to the World Cup action. As Dogs will be allowed on the field during World Cup...

Rochdale AFC Announce Stadium Expansion

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Rochdale's Spotland stadium is set to unveil a new corporate section "with a difference" above the Willbutts Lane stand, in honour of world famous...

Euro 2020 tournament to be played on XBox, UEFA confirms

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The European Football Championship 2020 is to be played on XBox, UEFA has told The Rochdale Herald. In the wake of the Coronavirus pandemic, European...

Raheem Sterling to start giving guided tours of his tattoo’s

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England footballer, Raheem Sterling has said he's going to start offering tours of his tattoos. Sterling made the announcement when he met members of...

Queen gives blessing for Meghan to marry Prince Harry

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The Queen has signalled her approval for Meghan Markle to marry Prince Harry Kane. Despite her recent wedding to that "Bastard" (sic) ginger grandson of...

Angels Pulverise Shrimpers… Again!

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Rochdale beat Southend United at football yesterday. The game was played over 90 minutes with a break in the middle. Rochdale managed to kick the...

Does my bum look big on top of this broken ambulance?

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Several women have taken to the top of ambulances in their latest quest for reassurance about their weight Becky Donaldson, 23, is fairly confident she...
Wayne Rooney

Rooney arrested crying into bottle of 20/20 wearing Man Utd pyjamas

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My night of 20/20, Man Utd pyjamas and Steradent with mysterious brunette. Everton striker Wayne Rooney has been charged with drink-driving offences in the...

ISIS applies for FIFA membership

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The murderous psychopathic caliphate known as ISIS has applied to join the world football governing body, FIFA.  In a surprise move, they hope to be...

Stormzy shuts up agent after transfer confusion

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Following the glaring error made by Irish newspaper, The Herald (no relation) where a picture of the grime MC was used instead of Romelu...

Mighty England’s thrilling World Cup opener – Yeah right!

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England's opening match of the World Cup campaign was as dull as ditchwater proving that the news of Joe Hart's transfer from Man City...
Football Riot

Belgian football riot shows EU is hungry for UK exports says Liam Fox

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A football riot at a Belgian football match between Anderlecht and Club Brugge demonstrates the hunger for British exports according to Liam Fox. In a...

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