The murderous psychopathic caliphate known as ISIS has applied to join the world football governing body, FIFA. 

In a surprise move, they hope to be able to be accepted in time for the next World Cup. Their spokesman, Mohammed ‘Bites yer legs’ Al Tikriti said:

“We realise it’s a bit of a long shot, but as it’s on home soil, or will be by then, we’re hoping that FIFA will make an exception.

“Just because we’re trying to blow you all to bits doesn’t mean that we can’t kick back once in a while and enjoy a game of soccer.”

When asked if there would also be a women’s team, his expression hardened and he said that someone will be needed to wash the kit.

A FIFA spokesman said:

“All applications will be considered as long as they are accompanied by the appropriate paperwork. In this case, $5 million in unmarked, non-sequential bills should do the trick.”

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