Football

Proper footie with a round ball and none of that sissy body armour

Love Island Special – John Terry sacks Agent after he asked to join “that...

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John Terry, the legendary back door man and occasional footballer, has sacked his Agent after finding himself trapped in a 1 year contract at...
Referee

‘So what?’ ask arseholes in response to significant event

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Football fans across the UK went out of their way this week to prove that their point-missing dim-wittedness was ‘by far the greatest stupidity...

ISIS applies for FIFA membership

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The murderous psychopathic caliphate known as ISIS has applied to join the world football governing body, FIFA.  In a surprise move, they hope to be...

Stormzy shuts up agent after transfer confusion

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Following the glaring error made by Irish newspaper, The Herald (no relation) where a picture of the grime MC was used instead of Romelu...

FA enquiries into unusual betting

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The Football Association today launched an inquiry into what it described as 'very bizarre' wagers placed with bookies regarding recent matches. The FA spokesman, Brian...

Poppies outraged at being hijacked by intolerable, out of touch band of Nationalists.

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The prima-donna XI, also known as the England National football team, have confirmed that they will take to the pitch against Germany this Friday,...

Police and HMRC raid Arsenal after silver polish claim on VAT return

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More tax scandal has hit the Premier League last night after police swooped on the Arsenal stadium after they tried to claim the VAT...

Rochdale footballer in record 198p transfer

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Rochdale football star, Wayne "Chopper" Gascoigne has been transferred to Accrington Stanley for a record 198p (€1.77) and a box of steak and onion...

Does my bum look big on top of this broken ambulance?

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Several women have taken to the top of ambulances in their latest quest for reassurance about their weight Becky Donaldson, 23, is fairly confident she...

Dogs will be allowed on the Pitch during the World Cup in Russia

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Man's best friend can now get even closer to the World Cup action. As Dogs will be allowed on the field during World Cup...

The Beckhams ditch L.A for glorious Rochdale

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Today the Herald can exclusively reveal the jaw dropping news that the world's biggest star, glamour model, fashion icon, tireless charity worker and one...

Lukaku leaves second best club in Liverpool for second best club in Manchester

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Lukaku is thought to be worth approximately 50m but has signed for United with an additional premium unofficially known as the 'United surcharge'. Lukaku's...

Raheem Sterling to start giving guided tours of his tattoo’s

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England footballer, Raheem Sterling has said he's going to start offering tours of his tattoos. Sterling made the announcement when he met members of...
Football Riot

Belgian football riot shows EU is hungry for UK exports says Liam Fox

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A football riot at a Belgian football match between Anderlecht and Club Brugge demonstrates the hunger for British exports according to Liam Fox. In a...

Costa kicks Conte into touch

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Former Chelsea Striker Diego Costa says he did not want to leave the club on bad terms, after being dragged kicking and screaming from...
Goalkeeper

Urinating Salford goalie earns whole side a place in England’s World Cup squad

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Almost the entire Salford lineup have been selected as part of England’s squad for next year’s World Cup, it has emerged. All the English...

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