Brazilian bladder-hoofer Naymar Davis Junior today explained his reasons for his £200 million move from Europe’s most technically skilled, most competitive national football league to the one-horse procession that is the French First Division.

“I needed new challenges and I found the football was getting in the way.” said Neymar. “As the third best striker at the club in Barcelona, ensuring I stayed in line for a place in the team was playing serious havoc with my ability to take on new challenges like designing my own bespoke Lamborghini and learning to sail an ocean going luxury yacht.”

“At Paris, I will be the first name on the team sheet even if I’ve spent the entire week tasting my own-label Burgundy and feeding the truffle-pigs.”

“I also wanted new challenges for those around me, like my accountant.” Neymar scored some goals for Barcelona and is expected to score some more for PSG.