Sky TV and BT TV have both announced that the current Premier League TV rights deal precludes top-tier football a break in the event of nuclear winter.
Currently, other leagues around Europe have scheduled a break from the moment Trump petulantly presses the red button because somebody made fun of his hair right up until radioactive fallout drops to safe levels in approximately 10,000 years’ time.
However, overpaid primadonna footballers in England will find their employers are contractually obliged to make them chase around a football even in the event of an H-bomb exploding directly above the stadium in which they’re playing.
Premier League spokesman and Sky TV lapdog, Rich Belend, said, “The ongoing broadcasting deal does not specify having a break, even in the event of a global thermonuclear war, which should really have been written into the contract in the current climate.
“Obviously, in our position as perennial arselickers to Rupert Murdoch, we do not wish to jeopardise our relationship with Sky, so the footballers will continue to lamp the ball around in freezing, pitch black conditions and hope that the striker will be able to get one of his heads on the end of it.
“Sky want a competitive product at all costs, and having to come back in a brand new epoch with Manchester City still 150 points ahead is unthinkable for them.
“However, we are not totally without sympathy and those players vaporised in the nuclear apocalypse will be pleased to know that they may be eligible for some sort of pension contribution.”