England footballer, Raheem Sterling has said he’s going to start offering tours of his tattoos. Sterling made the announcement when he met members of the English media yesterday to discuss his chances of getting a new tattoo on his trip to Russia. 

Sterling said, “I probably shouldn’t say this but I’m thinking of getting a new tattoo. I was going to get a picture of the World Cup with some Russian writing on it. The problem is I don’t really know any Russian and Roman Abramovich isn’t around to ask. I’m sure if I go into a tattoo parlor in Russia and just ask for something everything will be fine though.” 

Many journalists said that the interview was quite boring. Bill Board said, “In the old days you’d do the interview in an Estonian night club or a strip bar. Teddy Sheringham would be chain smoking and Gazza would be doing shots in a dentist’s chair. Yesterday we got to talk to them about their favorite PlayStation game. Really if it wasn’t for Raheem’s tattoo’s it would have been a seriously dull afternoon.” 

It’s understood that Sterling intends to add to his list of tattoo’s and offer his Twitter followers the chance to be the first to see his new tattoo’s in a competition. He’s also planning on becoming a new tourist attraction when he gets home from the World Cup. 

Sterling wasn’t the only player to show a new tattoo off yesterday. Yaya Touré revealed his new tattoo of him riding a bear savaging Pep Guardiola.

Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.