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Proper footie with a round ball and none of that sissy body armour

Burnley FC

Police eager to establish if pound coin thrown at Burnley FC player was projectile...

A Burnley fan who threw a pound coin at Joe Hart is on the run from Police today after authorities claim he is now the new legal owner of Burnley Football Club. The coin missed...

England team reveal plan to completely disappoint everyone is going smoothly

Gareth Southgate has revealed that his plan to completely disappoint loads of English people is going exactly according to plan. At a press conference Southgate said, "Expectations for this tournament were so low when we...

God shows that he hates Cristiano Ronaldo and Argentina

God has revealed that he absolutely cannot stand Cristiano Ronaldo so he chose to favour Uruguay in yesterday's last 16 game. God or, The Word as he prefers to be known took time from his...

Lukaku leaves second best club in Liverpool for second best club in Manchester

Lukaku is thought to be worth approximately 50m but has signed for United with an additional premium unofficially known as the 'United surcharge'. Lukaku's agent, Rob Grubber explained "It's coz they's loaded innit? Everyone...
Arsene Wenger

Wenger at wits end as he cannot figure out how to get sack from...

Arsene Wenger was left frustrated after the end of a tumultuous week which saw Arsenal lose twice against Manchester city and rounded off by a defeat at Brighton. However, in a news conference held...
Donald Trump

Moron says something moronic

A moron has uttered a statement that is totally devoid of intelligence, it has emerged. The exact words used in this situation concerned a football qualifier for the FIFA world cup - a match...

Queen gives blessing for Meghan to marry Prince Harry

The Queen has signalled her approval for Meghan Markle to marry Prince Harry Kane. Despite her recent wedding to that "Bastard" (sic) ginger grandson of hers, the reigning monarch is ready to dissolve the marriage...

Foreigners with British citizenship MUST support England in the football, IT’S THE LAW

A Brazilian woman and her South African friend, who have both recently attained British citizenship, have been reported to the authorities after announcing that they will be supporting Brazil in the football. Artemisa Yousir, originally...

Jose mourinho assures Spain ‘money was just resting in my account’

Jose Mourinho has sought to reassure the Spanish tax office that the £3m he is alleged to owe them in unpaid taxes has in fact been resting in his account all the time. Mourinho has...

Donald Trump congratulates Rochdale AFC on winning Superbowl

POTATUS, Donald Trump telephoned and congratulated Rochdale AFC on winning the Superbowl on Sunday night. Much to the surprise of club officials. A club spokesman said, "The Chairman was catching up on Love Island when...

Dogs will be allowed on the Pitch during the World Cup in Russia

Man's best friend can now get even closer to the World Cup action. As Dogs will be allowed on the field during World Cup games.  Fifa announced today that during the World Cup, hosted by Russia, stray...

John Terry leaves Villa to spend more time with Wayne Bridge’s family

John Terry has announced he's leaving Aston Villa today. Terry said he was leaving so that he could spend more time with Wayne Bridge's wife and kids. Terry told the assembled press, "It's been rough...

Stormzy shuts up agent after transfer confusion

Following the glaring error made by Irish newspaper, The Herald (no relation) where a picture of the grime MC was used instead of Romelu Lukaku in the story about the players move to Manchester...

Mighty England’s thrilling World Cup opener – Yeah right!

England's opening match of the World Cup campaign was as dull as ditchwater proving that the news of Joe Hart's transfer from Man City to Torino on loan isn't because of his love of...

FIFA poppy row escalates

British football fans have been advised that if they object to FIFA's stance on its national teams wearing poppies on armistice day, then they could stop watching football in protest.  A spokesman for the National...

Rooney: taking are cuntry bak

As the second half of the Manchester derby got underway, reports were coming in that Wayne Rooney had joined Britain First. During the halftime team talk, United manager Jose Mourinho told simpleton, Rooney, "I want...

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