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Queen gives blessing for Meghan to marry Prince Harry

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The Queen has signalled her approval for Meghan Markle to marry Prince Harry Kane. Despite her recent wedding to that "Bastard" (sic) ginger grandson of...

Rochdale v Spurs – “New tarmac pitch should silence critics” says spokesfootballer

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"I'm prepared to admit that the playing surface wasn't perhaps 110%, but Mr Pinocchio has no right to criticise another club that might not...

David White follows The Rochdale Herald on Twitter

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The editorial team were said to be jubilant at the news this evening that former England, Leeds and Manchester City centre forward David White...
Scientist

Study finds Manchester United fans have smallest penises

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A new survey of football fans has discovered that Manchester United fans have significantly smaller penises than men who follow other teams. "It's not just...

Lukaku leaves second best club in Liverpool for second best club in Manchester

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Lukaku is thought to be worth approximately 50m but has signed for United with an additional premium unofficially known as the 'United surcharge'. Lukaku's...

Costa kicks Conte into touch

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Former Chelsea Striker Diego Costa says he did not want to leave the club on bad terms, after being dragged kicking and screaming from...

Rochdale AFC Announce Stadium Expansion

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Rochdale's Spotland stadium is set to unveil a new corporate section "with a difference" above the Willbutts Lane stand, in honour of world famous...
Christiano Ronaldo

Just £300,000 a month can feed a footballer for a whole week. Please give...

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It can be harrowing, truly tragic to see, to see a young, athletic, talented man to have to survive in squalid conditions, living on...

Transfer News: Surprise deal Rochdale – Man Utd

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Transfer News: In a shock late move, minnows Rochdale have thrashed out a deal with giants Manchester United. As this weekend brought an end to...
Football

England team reveal plan to completely disappoint everyone is going smoothly

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Gareth Southgate has revealed that his plan to completely disappoint loads of English people is going exactly according to plan. At a press conference Southgate...

Rooney: taking are cuntry bak

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As the second half of the Manchester derby got underway, reports were coming in that Wayne Rooney had joined Britain First. During the halftime team...

Vatican declares official miracle after England win on penalties

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The Vatican has tonight declared an official miracle following England's penalty shootout victory over some goat farmers from Colombia. The victory is the first...

FA enquiries into unusual betting

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The Football Association today launched an inquiry into what it described as 'very bizarre' wagers placed with bookies regarding recent matches. The FA spokesman, Brian...
Goalkeeper

Urinating Salford goalie earns whole side a place in England’s World Cup squad

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Almost the entire Salford lineup have been selected as part of England’s squad for next year’s World Cup, it has emerged. All the English...
Referee

‘So what?’ ask arseholes in response to significant event

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Football fans across the UK went out of their way this week to prove that their point-missing dim-wittedness was ‘by far the greatest stupidity...

EFL admits to buying its footballs from a petrol station on Rochdale

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The English Football League has admitted buying its footballs from Denny’s Auto Diesel & Spar Mini-Mart on the Bury New Road in Rochdale. The...

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