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ISIS applies for FIFA membership

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The murderous psychopathic caliphate known as ISIS has applied to join the world football governing body, FIFA.  In a surprise move, they hope to be...

Football team goes one point ahead in Premiership.

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Fans of popular football team Chelsea Albion were agog with joy today when the team went one point ahead of arch rivals Liverpool Wanderers...

BT and Sky TV will not allow Nuclear Winter Premiership break

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Sky TV and BT TV have both announced that the current Premier League TV rights deal precludes top-tier football a break in the event...

Euro 2020 tournament to be played on XBox, UEFA confirms

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The European Football Championship 2020 is to be played on XBox, UEFA has told The Rochdale Herald. In the wake of the Coronavirus pandemic, European...
Scientist

Study finds Manchester United fans have smallest penises

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A new survey of football fans has discovered that Manchester United fans have significantly smaller penises than men who follow other teams. "It's not just...

FA enquiries into unusual betting

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The Football Association today launched an inquiry into what it described as 'very bizarre' wagers placed with bookies regarding recent matches. The FA spokesman, Brian...
Putin 2

FIFA rejects World Cup draw rigging allegations after Russia selected to play against Russia

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FIFA have been forced to defend more allegations of corruption after the 2018 World Cup hosts, Russia, were selected to play against themselves in...

Ryan Giggs’ ex-wife confirms she now has 6 more Premier League winner’s medals than...

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Dragon philanderer, Ryan Giggs’ ex-wife Stacey Giggs, spoke of her excitement today as she is finally set to be awarded half of the Giggs...
Burnley FC

Police eager to establish if pound coin thrown at Burnley FC player was projectile...

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A Burnley fan who threw a pound coin at Joe Hart is on the run from Police today after authorities claim he is now...

David White follows The Rochdale Herald on Twitter

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The editorial team were said to be jubilant at the news this evening that former England, Leeds and Manchester City centre forward David White...
Referee

‘So what?’ ask arseholes in response to significant event

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Football fans across the UK went out of their way this week to prove that their point-missing dim-wittedness was ‘by far the greatest stupidity...

Queen gives blessing for Meghan to marry Prince Harry

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The Queen has signalled her approval for Meghan Markle to marry Prince Harry Kane. Despite her recent wedding to that "Bastard" (sic) ginger grandson of...

Rochdale footballer in record 198p transfer

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Rochdale football star, Wayne "Chopper" Gascoigne has been transferred to Accrington Stanley for a record 198p (€1.77) and a box of steak and onion...

Vatican declares official miracle after England win on penalties

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The Vatican has tonight declared an official miracle following England's penalty shootout victory over some goat farmers from Colombia. The victory is the first...

New EU rules send shock waves through the terraces

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New EU rules are set to send shock waves through the football terraces of the UK. According to sources close to the FA, the...

Love Island Special – John Terry sacks Agent after he asked to join “that...

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John Terry, the legendary back door man and occasional footballer, has sacked his Agent after finding himself trapped in a 1 year contract at...

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