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Proper footie with a round ball and none of that sissy body armour

Football team goes one point ahead in Premiership.

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Fans of popular football team Chelsea Albion were agog with joy today when the team went one point ahead of arch rivals Liverpool Wanderers...

Football players saving us all by not taking a pay cut

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The Professional Footballers Association have warned that a 30% cut in their members' wages would damage the NHS as it would reduce the amount...
Putin 2

FIFA rejects World Cup draw rigging allegations after Russia selected to play against Russia

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FIFA have been forced to defend more allegations of corruption after the 2018 World Cup hosts, Russia, were selected to play against themselves in...

BT and Sky TV will not allow Nuclear Winter Premiership break

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Sky TV and BT TV have both announced that the current Premier League TV rights deal precludes top-tier football a break in the event...

Rochdale v Spurs – “New tarmac pitch should silence critics” says spokesfootballer

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"I'm prepared to admit that the playing surface wasn't perhaps 110%, but Mr Pinocchio has no right to criticise another club that might not...
Wayne Rooney

Rooney Returns to Everton because ‘I missed my Nan’

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Overweight, red faced, former England captain Wayne Rooney is to leave Manchester United to return to his first club Everton as part of a...

East London Charity Shops on standby to get loads of West Ham training kit...

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East London charity shops are preparing for a bumper delivery of training kit and promotional items after West Ham appointed David Moyes to their...
Donald Trump

Moron says something moronic

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A moron has uttered a statement that is totally devoid of intelligence, it has emerged. The exact words used in this situation concerned a...

Stormzy shuts up agent after transfer confusion

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Following the glaring error made by Irish newspaper, The Herald (no relation) where a picture of the grime MC was used instead of Romelu...

Rooney: taking are cuntry bak

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As the second half of the Manchester derby got underway, reports were coming in that Wayne Rooney had joined Britain First. During the halftime team...
Arsene Wenger

Wenger at wits end as he cannot figure out how to get sack from...

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Arsene Wenger was left frustrated after the end of a tumultuous week which saw Arsenal lose twice against Manchester city and rounded off by...

Queen gives blessing for Meghan to marry Prince Harry

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The Queen has signalled her approval for Meghan Markle to marry Prince Harry Kane. Despite her recent wedding to that "Bastard" (sic) ginger grandson of...

Lukaku leaves second best club in Liverpool for second best club in Manchester

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Lukaku is thought to be worth approximately 50m but has signed for United with an additional premium unofficially known as the 'United surcharge'. Lukaku's...

Does my bum look big on top of this broken ambulance?

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Several women have taken to the top of ambulances in their latest quest for reassurance about their weight Becky Donaldson, 23, is fairly confident she...
Football Riot

Belgian football riot shows EU is hungry for UK exports says Liam Fox

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A football riot at a Belgian football match between Anderlecht and Club Brugge demonstrates the hunger for British exports according to Liam Fox. In a...

Norway’s female football team found in cocaine-fuelled strip club romp

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Just hours after the Norwegian football association ruled that female footballer's pay must be brought in line with that of the men's, the entire...

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