Cannabis legalisation could mean users run out of things to talk about within 24...

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Experts are tonight warning that Britain's stoner community could run out of things to talk about in as little as 24 hours. The warnings...
Dog

There’s way more to choosing where to poo than you realise Dog tells owner

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"There's way more to choosing where to poo than you realise" Bobby, a 5 year old Chocolate Lab from York has told The Rochdale...

First Briton shocks Britain First

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Researchers from London's natural history Museum have presented the results of analysis of DNA from 'Cheddar Man', Britain's oldest complete skeleton, prompting a spokesman...

Trident satnav and sellotape cutbacks a mistake admits Michael Fallon

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Top honcho at the MOD, the right honourable Sir Michael Fallon MP, has admitted that cutbacks in the Trident programme may have contributed to...
Plumber

London’s last affordable plumber shot by poachers

London's last surviving affordable plumber has been killed by poachers in Clapham, according to a conservation group that protects a dwindling group of reliable...
Anger as southerners omit cockwomble from the OFCOM Swearing Top 10

Anger as Southerners Omit Cockwomble from the OFCOM Swearing Top 10

There was anger on the streets of Rochdale last night as "Cockwomble" was controversially left out of Ofcom's Top 10 of swear words. Ofcom, an...
NewsThump

Rochdale IT Worker Deletes Human Rights Act

Albert Fudge, a Rochdale based web designer employed by the Conservative Party- has accidentally deleted the European Human Rights Act. The tech boffin was asked...
Theresa May (licence)

Scientists discover creature smaller than Theresa May’s credibility.

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Biologists wielding enormous magnifying glasses today discovered a newt thought to be the world's smallest living thing. This infinitesimal being has been proved by scientists...

Britain gears up for Dianageddon

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A lack of Britain shooting itself in the foot and Donald Trump not doing something stupid for a few days has left Britain to...

Smart Energy may help me keep job – says National Grid boss

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The new head of the National Grid, Nicola Shaw,  has today encouraged consumers to opt for "smart energy" devices which will enable her to...

Dead whale found in Thames was Russian spy

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The Government have announced that a whale that has been found dead beside the River Thames was a Russian spy. The whale was found beside...
Countryfile

BBC Countryfile Filming Suspended After Presenter Gets Parking Ticket

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Filming of cutting edge BBC show Countryfile was dramatically suspended last night after one of the presenters was accused of parking illegally. Previously well respected...

Man discovers he’s middle aged after getting neck injury whilst putting jumper on

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A Rochdale man has come to the realisation he's middle aged after sustaining a neck injury whilst putting on a jumper. Stan Still, 38, said,...

Heat from self-righteous can power the world

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Scientists at the renowned Rochdale Community University's Social Physics department announced the discovery of a new energy source today. “We discovered that the heat radiated...
Rees Mogg Farage

Get behind my nutters version of Brexit says Jacob Rees-Mogg

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Jacob Rees-Mogg has attempted to counter accusations that he has no Brexit plan by unveiling one so fancifully insane a Texan jury wouldn't recommend...
Jacob Rees Mogg

Scary brexiteer “Mogo” revealed to be a hoax

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Jacob Rees-Mogg,known to the internet as "Mogo",the scary haunted Victorian doll,has been revealed to be a hoax. Pictures of Mogo have been popping up on...

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