Council demolish victim’s home to erect memorial garden for dead burglar
In a surprise move today London councillors have confirmed plans to demolish the home of 78 year old Mr Osborn-Brooks and in its place...
Queen buys Prince Andrew Whirlpool washing machine
The Queen has bought Prince Andrew a Whirlpool washing machine for Christmas.
A Palace source told us, "It was going cheap because of some recall...
Foreigners with British citizenship MUST support England in the football, IT’S THE LAW
A Brazilian woman and her South African friend, who have both recently attained British citizenship, have been reported to the authorities after announcing that...
Mr Tumble denounces Theresa May and says not in our name.
Leading clowns have issued a joint statement confirming that Theresa May's latest attacks on migrants and the NHS are not part of traditional clown...
Magic Circle Trigger Terror Alert
Amid growing concern and fears for public safety, illusionist extremists The Magic Circle have been deemed a threat to security and democracy.
The so-called magicians...
G4S wins plum contract to monitor domestic waste disposal inside homes
David David MP, the Minister for Local Government was forced into the public gaze today to confirm that G4S has been awarded the coveted...
John Lewis Christmas advert shows puppy being fed into blender
Retailer John Lewis has released its Christmas advert for 2017 which shows a cute puppy being fed into an industrial strength blender.
The eagerly anticipated...
Britain gears up for Dianageddon
A lack of Britain shooting itself in the foot and Donald Trump not doing something stupid for a few days has left Britain to...
Beggars fined for begging to pay begging fines
Vulnerable homeless people are now being forced into longer begging hours to pay the newly introduced fines for begging.
In another PR triumph for...
Not drinking alcohol only makes life feel a lot longer, confirm experts
Not drinking will make your life feel a lot longer, according to a study that suggests not being a little bit drunk every day...
Lemming suicide myth rebunked
For many years the myth persisted that Lemmus lemmus, known to you and I as the lemming, would inexplicably hurl itself into the abyss...
Mensa exam to be replaced by attempting to sync iTunes
International high IQ club Mensa has announced plans to scrap their famously difficult entrance exam, and replace it with a quest to negotiate Apple's...
Labour lose 30 seats in boundary adjustment, laugh Tories
The Conservative Party and the conservative government have denied that the electoral boundary change proposals are an attempt to ensure a Conservative advantage.
"It's just...
Government’s Brexit White Paper revealed
The hotly anticipated government White Paper on Brexit was released this week to an explosion of love juice from the editors of the Mail...
I suppose we better start our Christmas shopping, say men
Men all over the world are reluctantly conceding that now might be a good time to start their Christmas shopping.
"If I start shopping at...
Farage Security Concern as Public learn sense can be knocked into UKIP MEP
Steven Woolfe, the UKIP MEP, is being hailed as a “Medical Miracle” after becoming the 1st person in history to have had sense knocked into him.
