Unhappy Child

Scotland to ban Smack for children

0
The Scottish government has confirmed that children will no longer be able to use Smack in Scotland. The move would make the country the first region in the UK to make it completely illegal for...

Met office issue ice warning in winter

0
As weather experts issue yet another ice warning the people of the North West have told The Rochdale Herald that they actually don't give a shit. A yellow weather alert warning of icy conditions from...
Alan Rickman

There’s nothing more Christmassy than seeing German Terrorist fall out of window, confirm men

Men around the world have confirmed that it's not Christmas until they have seen either a German terrorist or a half naked prostitute fall from the window of a sksyscraper. "It's a close run thing...
Hangmans Noose

Tories Include Return of Death Penalty In Election Manifesto

0
The Conservative Party has surprised many by including a return of the death penalty in their election manifesto. Explaining the eye catching manifesto promise, Jacob Rees-Mogg said the following, "The country is over populated and the...

Lockheed Martin Trident Vote after party “off the hook”

Details are sketchy at present but apparently the Lockheed Martin Trident Vote after party was absolutely "off the hook". We can only imagine what kind of party you might throw for 472 of your closest...

Fathers happy to ditch Father’s Day if it means Mother’s Day is canned too

2
The Rochdale Institute of Advanced Fathering has issued a statement today offering to do away with Father's Day on the condition Mother's Day goes also. The offer is a timely one as fathers across the...
Michael Gove

Michael Gove escaped ‘after gate left open’

Whitehall: A Conservative cabinet minister who went on the loose for about six hours after escaping from his enclosure has been safely recaptured. The animal, called Gove, was initially thought to have fled from the...
PC World

Confused Alt-Right activists boycott PC World

0
Several branches of the computer retailer PC World have reported a spike in confused right-wing "activists" gathering outside their premises in protest. The cause of these protests appears to be a misunderstanding over the initials...

Britain warned Brexit could be as bad as Star Wars: The Phatom Menace

0
Britain has been warned that Brexit could be as bad as Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. The warning comes a week after the Government refused to deny that Brexit will be as bad as...

Corbyn train lie proves case for nationalisation

After it was revealed today that Jeremy Corbyn lied about having to sit on the floor of a train he claimed was ram packed, Team Corbyn have admitted it was all a clever ruse. "Jeremy...

We survived Bubonic plague so we’ll probably survive Brexit, Government assures Britain

0
The Government has released advice on what to do in the event of a 'no-deal' Brexit. The advice has the catchy strap line, "No-deal, not as bad as the Bubonic Plague". A Government spokesman said,...
Russell Brand

Russell Brand in hot water again for ‘pranking’ Andrews Sachs’ granddaughter

0
Long haired Labour killer and plastic revolutionary, Russell Brand, has come under fire once again this morning after 'pranking' the granddaughter of the late Andrew Sachs. Sachs, best known for his role as hapless Spanish...

Nicholas Witchell tasered during naked Prince Philip coup attempt

0
The BBC’s Royal correspondent, Nicholas Witchell, is currently under heavy sedation after attempting to storm the gates of Buckingham Palace. According to eyewitnesses, the journalist appeared outside the Palace gates at around 8am this morning,...

Whitewash of establishment nonces in the interests of the children – says dame

0
 Amber Rudd is set to give evidence to a commons committee on the state of the inquiry into child sexual abuse in place of Dame Lowell Goddard, who didn't have the balls to turn...
Amber Rudd

Amber Rudd denies plan to make immigrants wear targets

0
Amber Rudd was today left with egg on her face after a leaked email detailing a new strategy to combat immigration levels and increase what the government has labelled the 'assisted return' of migrants...
Rubbish in Street

Piled rubbish masks smell of Birmingham city

0
Birmingham city council, has for the past few weeks been in the grips of a public sector strike. Birmingham’s ‘bin men’ are demanding fairer/higher wages (we’re not sure which) for collecting and moving the...

Follow us

61,169FansLike
29,631FollowersFollow
21,670FollowersFollow

Popular Posts