McDonald’s launches monster fatburger
Lard-loving fast food fanatics McDonald's made the announcement immediately following the news that London's sewers have been blocked by vast deposits of insoluble grease.
The...
Stoke returning officer opened wrong envelope: Nuttall real winner!
Stoke's election Returning Officer was forced to admit to an embarrassing mistake when he opened the wrong envelope and declared Labour had won.
"I was...
3rd Day of Sunshine sees Hose Pipe Bans Across UK
As the heatwave currently hitting the UK enters its third day water companies across Britain have enforced hose pipe bans once again.
Despite months of...
“We’re looking forward to getting out” say nuclear weapons.
Nuclear weapons all over the world are today looking forward to their upcoming launch as an opportunity to stretch their legs.
With launch codes about...
Cats growing increasingly desperate to find cure for Coronavirus
Pet cats have announced that they're ramping up their efforts to find a cure for Coronavirus as many find they're now forced to spend...
Scandal as NewsThump admits to making stuff up
A scandal is breaking in the media industry with allegations of editorial impropriety at NewsThump, one of the world's most trusted online news sources.
Trusted by...
Forecasters predict Christmas will be a fraught and expensive ordeal
Economic experts are forecasting that Christmas 2017 will see a double digit percentage increase in cost to the average family, based on a basket...
In absence of dragons, brave knight slays thousands of poor, disabled and homeless
Albion; pleasant, fair and green
In the year of our Lord, 2020
Dragons were few and seldom seen,
Yet poor folk were a plenty
Though dragons were vanquished...
Church still rich, poor still poor
Churches like those associated with Christians and Catholics are still really bloody wealthy a recent survey has shown.
The news will come as no surprise...
Corbyn press relationship hits the buffers following Traingate
Jeremy Corbyn had an uncomfortable day today as he was asked a series of questions by journalists after being caught bullshitting about the state...
Chewing gum booms as government invests £100 billion in wrong ‘Trident.’
An administrative error has seen government funding to renew British nuclear armaments sent to the wrong ‘Trident.’
Earlier today £100 billion was electronically transferred to...
‘Corporal punishment should be reinstated’ – people against Sharia law
A recent survey of lobotomised knuckle dragging fuck nuggets revealed that they are fighting against the values that they themselves hold most dear.
We caught...
Daily Mail photo editor awarded the Iron Cross
The chief photo editor for The Daily Mail has been awarded the Iron Cross this afternoon.
A spokesman for The Daily Mail said, "This award...
Daily Mail fury as NO MIGRANTS are going to be killed as a result...
The Mail and the Express allege that the silence of the clangs is meant to be a mark of respect timed to coincide with the twentieth anniversary of Princess Diana's death.
2017 set to be hottest year on record
Experts in worldwide trends are predicting that 2017 will reach terminal levels of warmth by mid-June.
Professor Thorfin Nerfstretcherrsson, Head of Rochdale Community University's department...
Ransomware means government absolutely definitley needs to read your Snapchat
The recent ransomware attack on the NHS and many others across the world definitely means that GCHQ need to read your email, announced...
