Unemployed layabout doesn’t want £350m a year job shaking hands and waving

27
The people of the United Kingdom were reassured this morning by Prince Harry's statement that he does not want to be king and will...
Audi

Sixty grand on four wheel drive for one off drive to work in snow...

0
A man has confirmed that his choice of Audi Quattro was justified by the recent inclement weather. Chris Lupton spent most of the morning in...
Big Coat

Man spotted not wearing his ‘Big Coat’ in Rochdale, in June

6
In scenes that shocked many shoppers in Rochdale town centre today, two men who were visiting from far away Bolton, were seen walking through...
People on bus laughing

Religious fervour hits Rochdale bus passengers

0
A local member of one of the world's 4200 religions is utterly convinced that his is the correct one.   Stating confidently that “It is,...

British meteorologists blame wet August on an increase in cloud storage by Apple

0
The weather scientist went on to predict industrialised nations have a maximum of one year before the amount of material stored in the cloud reaches a critical mass of never ending rain.
Hurricane

God pisses himself laughing after sending hurricane named for Harvey Milk to wipe most...

34
God Almighty has reportedly pissed his pants laughing after sending a biblical flood to the most homophobic state in America in response to Donald...
Ballot paper

Labour to campaign for Liberal Democrats in June 8th General Election

0
Diane Abbott was resurrected this afternoon to speak to a journalist of sorts, on the BBC. Ms Abbott used one of her last possible...

Authorities launch investigation as Strangeways drops out of top 10 for acute violence

0
Prison authorities in the North West have announced an urgent investigation into why no prisons in the North West made it into the top...
Hull

Ruins of city unearthed by earthquake “just Hull” archaeologists told

Excitement in the archaeological world this weekend turned to bitter disappointment after archaeologists discovered the ruins of a primitive civilisation on the Yorkshire cost...

Corbyn denies ‘pineapple on pizza’ allegations during lunch with genocide denier

3
Jeremy Corbyn today strenuously denied having pineapple on the pizza he shared with Assad Supporting, Genocide Denier and all around Russian puppet Marcus Papadopoulos....

Brexit Secretary resignation is ‘ferry nuff’ and we’ll get ‘Dover’ it, says PM

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Brexit secretary Dominic Raab, who had one job, to achieve an appropriate agreement to leave the EU, has resigned from the government Announcing his departure...

Put a bloody jumper on if you’re cold we’re not made of money, Philip...

16
“Put a jumper on and stop fiddling with the blasted thermostat, I just got it right. If you’re that blinking cold go and walk some of those wretched dogs you insist on keeping. And I’m not talking about the Fergie's sprogs!”
Banksy

No new ‘Banksys’ have appeared since Rolf Harris got banged up

0
Tie me kangaroo down Banksy, can you tell who it is yet? Well perhaps here at The Rochdale Herald we are nearer to being...
Shed fire

Fire at Burnley Art School causes pounds worth of damage

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Yesterday's fire at the Burnley School for the Arts has caused £500 worth of damage. Early indications are that the bus stop is irreparably...
Potholes

Potholes are going to be our next victims, confirms government

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A source within the Conservative Party has confirmed today that they plan to murder all of the potholes in the country should they win...
Gym

Gyms too fucking busy, confirm everybody

Britain's gyms are in a state of absolute chaos as billions of people descended on them today.  It was standing room only in every single...

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