Theresa May

Kaiser Chiefs hurriedly rerelease ‘I Predict a Riot’

3
As crowds of surprisingly calm protesters gather at Westminister to demand the resignation of the recently elected droid, Maybot 2.0, The Kaiser Chiefs are...
Tony the Tiger

Tony the Tiger loses paw to Type 2 diabetes

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Tony the Tiger, the face of the Frosties breakfast cereal brand since 1952, has according to sources, lost a paw to Type 2 diabetes. Mr...
Business

Labour lose 30 seats in boundary adjustment, laugh Tories

The Conservative Party and the conservative government have denied that the electoral boundary change proposals are an attempt to ensure a Conservative advantage. "It's just...
Green

Inside the Dark Underbelly of Kensington: Salad Dealers

0
Our Herald undercover reporter uncovers the sinister side of the illegal Kensington salad trade. It’s 2 a.m. and I’m standing outside an all-night coffee shop...

Blair offers May role as Middle East Peace Envoy

5
Embattled Prime Minister Theresa May has been thrown an unexpected life line today. A surprise call from Tony Blair offering her the plum role...

Sun exposes Cable as Strawberry fool

1
Liberal democrat leadership candidate "SIR" Vince Cable has been left looking a plum strawberry fool after his claim that Britain was running out of...
Corbyn

Corbyn to sell your cat to pay for a statue of Lenin, confirms BBC

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The BBC has confirmed that should Jeremy Corbyn win the General Election he intends to sell peoples cats to fund a statue of Lenin. The...
Trump Idiotic

Trump thwarts Milnrow knife attack.

0
Diners in a Milnrow curry house were astonished as the 45th (and probably last) President of the USA stopped an armed bandit carrying out...

Fathers happy to ditch Father’s Day if it means Mother’s Day is canned too

2
The Rochdale Institute of Advanced Fathering has issued a statement today offering to do away with Father's Day on the condition Mother's Day goes...
Theresa May

Theresa May to meet Carwyn Jones to tell him to fuck off in person

Theresa May is set to meet Carwyn Jones, the First Minister of Wales to reassure him that the needs, plans, hopes and dreams of...

Fat Controller to be renamed Big Boned Team Leader in Thomas revamp’

0
Anti-bullying & equality campaigners have praised plans by children's show Thomas the Tank Engine to highlight modern issues in the latest series of the...
McDonald's

McDonald’s launches monster fatburger

0
Lard-loving fast food fanatics McDonald's made the announcement immediately following the news that London's sewers have been blocked by vast deposits of insoluble grease. The...

Facebook servers crash after everyone announces they’re drinking Prosecco

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Facebook couldn't be logged into earlier today after millions of people updated their statuses with things like; "The Prosecco is open! You know what that...

Captain Tom finally able to pay Wonga loan off

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Captain Tom Moore is reportedly thrilled that his fundraising has been so successful that he's finally able to pay off a loan he took...
Theresa May (licence)

Scientists discover creature smaller than Theresa May’s credibility.

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Biologists wielding enormous magnifying glasses today discovered a newt thought to be the world's smallest living thing. This infinitesimal being has been proved by scientists...
US Military

Trump mobilizes Military to defend against Hurricane Irma with ‘fire and fury’

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As hurricane Irma makes it's way west towards the coast of Florida, president Donald Trump has issued a declaration of war on the weather...

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