Michael Fish

Michael Fish assures Virgin Island residents that “no hurricane on the way”

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Famous weather broadcaster Michael Fish has moved to reassure British Virgin Island residents that there isn't going to be another hurricane hitting them. However he...
Middlesbrough

North East has nowt to do with us, claims Government

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Following a cabinet meeting on Tuesday the government has denied responsibility for the north east stating "we didn't want it in the first place....

Nigel Farage reveals he was thrown out of the SAS for being too good

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Nigel Farage MP (just kidding) has revealed that he was thrown out of the SAS for being too good. Mr Farage MP (just kidding) was...

Quentin Letts launches #StopFundingReasonableness campaign

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Quentin Letts, which is a name you may have heard, without actually knowing what it is, is apparently a man, and not an upper...

Your Mum has a dildo

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Children all over the country are coming to terms with the horrifying reality that their Mums have at least one dildo.
Dinner Party

Cryptocurrencies overtake buy to let portfolios as reason not to have “that twat” over...

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Our survey of Rochdale couples reveals cryptocurrencies are now the top reason for removal from dinner party guest lists. In our extensive survey, which we...

Corbyn popularity ratings soar after ZZ Top grant him keys to magic Hot Rod

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In what would at first glance appear to be a complete and utter ripoff of an Onion article dating back to 1997, Labour Party...

Woman doesn’t dick about with thermostat

A woman from Rochdale has taken the extraordinary decision to not dick about with the central heating thermostat. Barbara Dickinson responded to the fact that...
Conspiracy Theorists

Conspiracy theorists conflicted as scientists announce mask wearing protects from 5G

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Conspiracy theorists have reported feeling conflicted after scientists revealed that wearing a mask protects wearers from 5G. Lab Tech, Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College told...
Blizzard

Rest of world ceases activity so BBC can cover snow

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As Britain is experiencing the worst snow since last time,the rest of the world has decided to cease all activities and events to let...
Dignity

Bin man feared dead after ship called Dignity found wrecked off west coast

Fears are growing this evening for a Glasgow bin man whose boat has been found wrecked off the west coast of Scotland. The man, a...

Police force man to remove clothing on Rochdale beach

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Photographs have emerged of armed police confronting a diver on Rochdale's now notorious Stansfield Beach. In this most recent effort to enforce new laws...
Cat

I’m unlikely to put up with your shit much longer, cat tells owner after...

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A 4 year old black and white cat from Twickenham has told its owner Steve that "It's pretty fucking unlikely that I will be...

Rochdale man sues Ancestory.com after DNA test shows he’s 60% banana

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A Rochdale resident has announced he's suing Ancestory.com after a DNA test showed he shares 60% of his DNA with a banana.  He's citing inaccuracies in the...

Prince Andrew to release sex tape

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Prince Andrew will release a sex tape in the cuming weeks in an effort to put to bed any rumours about his relationship with...
Queen

Queen shocked to discover she’s invested in Los Pollos Hermanos

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The Queen is said to be shocked that her accountants have invested heavily in Los Pollos Hermanos. The food chain, seen in the TV...

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