Unemployed mother on benefits knocked up AGAIN

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It's all over social media that an unemployed mother on state benefits, who already has two kids, is knocked up yet again.

Britain prepares to spend weekend listening to pensioners contrived war stories

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British pensioners are gearing up for this weekend’s festival of remembrance by remembering their contrived war stories. Many, like 78 year old Justin Case, spent a great deal of the war throwing up, pooing into...

Belfast Orange walk to become 24k Gold walk

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The annual Orange walk of Belfast's protestant population is to take place this weekend and is expected to reveal itself now as a 24K gold walk. Orange walks take place throughout the year but the...

“It’s Warmas” declares Britain

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Are you hanging loads of poppy's on the wall? Is your granny telling you stories about fighting in the Second World War despite only being 74? Have you finished all your shopping? Have you got your gifts...

Expat Moans About EU Citizens in UK

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A British expat has hailed Parliament's rejection of EU citizens' right to stay in the UK post Brexit. Speaking from beside his swimming pool at his luxurious Marbella villa, Ken 'Fingers' McKray, 54, an import-exporter...

People who start sentences with ‘I’m not racist, but’ are definitely about to say...

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Indeed, not one instance was found of a non-racist comment following "I'm not a racist, but."

Bloke with neck tattoo does really, really well in job interview

A bloke with a tattoo of a skull on his neck has done really, really well in a job interview today. Harvey Wallbanger, 22, from Rochdale had applied for a job as a cashier in...

British Firewall totally not about censorship and spying, says head of spying and censorship...

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GCHQ, the British spy agency that is regularly exposed for bugging our phones and nicking our online data to spy on us, has announced that it wants what is being called a Great British...

Labour NEC can take your money and run – rules court of appeal

The NEC of the Labour Party has won on appeal its right to lie its arse off in order to get three quid out of the working class. The original case was brought by five...
Ryanair

Calling people a Black Bastard is a term of endearment, says Ryanair racist

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A man who was filmed saying racist things to a black grandma on a Ryanair flight this week has said that calling her a "Black Bastard" was actually a term of endearment where he...

Interest Rates Dropped From Naff All to Sweet FA

Bank of England catastrophe juggler, Mark Carney, made no change to interest rates this lunchtime. Rochdale savers wondering exactly what this means have had things explained by local financial whizzkid, Imran Stockdale: "Currently your savings accrue...

Burnley residents “Delighted” by the introduction of BBC2 in the area

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BBC2 finally came to Burnley yesterday. The TV channel, which first aired to the british public in 1967, finally made its first transmition to the North England town yesterday. We asked the BBC to...
Russell Brand

Russell Brand in hot water again for ‘pranking’ Andrews Sachs’ granddaughter

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Long haired Labour killer and plastic revolutionary, Russell Brand, has come under fire once again this morning after 'pranking' the granddaughter of the late Andrew Sachs. Sachs, best known for his role as hapless Spanish...
Theresa May

Government vows to tackle crime now wealthy are affected

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The Government has pledged to start tackling violent crime now that it's affecting wealthy people in London.  A Spokesman for Theresa May said, "When the Government said that we're in it together they envisaged a...

Big 6 to impose “Christmas Levy” on consumers

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The Big 6 electricity providers are set to impose a special levy on households deemed to have displays of more than 5 metres of Christmas lighting this year.  The energy companies are concerned that with...

I wouldn’t rape a fat woman, I have standards – says Trump

Thousands of Republican voters suffered serious head injuries yesterday after face palming themselves really hard during a Trump Rally.

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