Anaconda, Bresciola and Carpet Top 3 Girls’ Names for 2016

The computer that produces the list of the most popular names given to babies each year has thrown up a remarkable result in its test report.   The leading girls names up to November 30th were...
Farage

Please stop comparing me to Hitler pleads bloke who just gave speech to German...

A bloke who gave a rabble rousing speech to a bunch of Nazis in Germany has put out a plea on social media asking people to please stop comparing him to Hitler. The man, who...
Bank entrance

Remain scaremongering smells likes truthmongering admits Mark Carney following sniff test

Mark Carney, Governor of the Bank of England, the place where they invent money, has admitted that remain campaigners accused of scaremongering may actually be truthmongering. The surprising intervention comes as new economic data strongly...
Snow on trees

Britain urged to get used to winter

With the annual two inches of snow set to cause havoc across the country again experts have advised people to stop whining and get used to the conditions.  Rochdale Community University's Department of Scrapping and...
Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson feared dead?

Rumours are rife today that the comical floppy haired Brexit buffoon Boris Johnson may have popped his clogs. It's been weeks now since he has been seen either knocking a defenceless child to the floor,...
Football

Theresa May smashes transfer fee record by buying 10 Northern Irish defenders for £1.5BN

Theresa May today totally smashed Paul Pogba's world transfer fee record into smithereens after purchasing 10 Northern Irish defenders for a yet to be finalised sum believed to be in the region of £1.5...

Christmas ruined as Santa fails CRB check

Christmas may be cancelled as Santa has failed to get his CRB check renewed. The revelation came last night when a Government Spokesperson said, "Santa didn't get his CRB check in in time. He submitted...
Tony Blair

Tony Blair has already earned more than you

Tony Blair has already earned more than you will this year and it's only January. For those unfamiliar, Mr Blair is the most successful leader the Labour Party has ever had. He won one of...
The Stig

Muslim women swap burkas for Stig costumes to appeal to middle aged white men

A new experimental initiative has seen numerous British Muslim women swap their traditional full face veils for an outfit made popular by Top Gear's "The Stig." The aim of the trial is to make both...
KFC

KFC announce they’ve run out of ice

First they ran out of chicken; Then it was gravy. Now KFC have run out of ice cubes. Ruth Sanders of Rochdale KFC said, "We've spent all day having to tell people that we've run...
Hull

Ruins of city unearthed by earthquake “just Hull” archaeologists told

Excitement in the archaeological world this weekend turned to bitter disappointment after archaeologists discovered the ruins of a primitive civilisation on the Yorkshire cost after yesterday's earthquake. Whilst scanning for random bits of crap...
Britain First

Britain First strangely quiet over Jo Cox murder

This week saw the conviction and sentencing of Thomas Mair in the case of the tragic murder of MP Jo Cox.  During the murder, the accused is said to have shouted "... Britain first...", before...
Terrier

RSPCA requests help in tackling dangerous domestic terriers

“No, I don’t care. Show me pictures of abandoned dog toys, show me puppies floating in the water, play violins and show me skinny hounds looking sad. I still don’t care,” said Katie Hopkins.

Interest Rates Dropped From Naff All to Sweet FA

Bank of England catastrophe juggler, Mark Carney, made no change to interest rates this lunchtime. Rochdale savers wondering exactly what this means have had things explained by local financial whizzkid, Imran Stockdale: "Currently your savings accrue...

Sun exposes Cable as Strawberry fool

Liberal democrat leadership candidate "SIR" Vince Cable has been left looking a plum strawberry fool after his claim that Britain was running out of strawberries because of a shortage of migrant fruit pickers was...

‘Fuck equality’ says equalities boss

The chairman of the Equality and Human Rights Commission (EHRC) David Isaac made the comment earlier this week; "Everyone is equal and all religions should be respected. Companies should honour all religious ceremonies and celebrations, as long...

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