Ambulance Katie Hopkins

Katie Hopkins hospitalised after choking on apology to Muslim

Katie Hopkins was driven slowly to hospital yesterday after choking on the word "sorry" while typing a court ordered apology to the Mahmoud family.
Kicked in the balls

London pints to come with free kick in knackers from 2019

Consumers concerned with the rising price of alcohol in the UK received a welcome boost today, as it was confirmed all boozers in the capital will offer a free kick in the knackers with...

Fears 40% of millenials may never have tedious home improvement conversations

There are fears that up to 40% of millennials may never be able to have tedious home improvement conversations. Fewer and fewer people are able to own their own homes due to their fondness for...
Theresa May

May slams link to Wheat Supremacists claims as ‘ridiculous’

Theresa May has dismissed claims that she met and briefed Czech Wheat Supremacists during the Cold War years as a "ridiculous smear". According to a report, the Conservative leader held three meetings with a "farmer"...

Parents of nativity play’s King Herod unsure what this says about their parenting

A Rochdale teacher has been telling the Herald about how this year's school nativity has been dogged by endless controversy. The teacher, who asked not to be named, said "When we first announced the parts...
Poached Egg

Someone on Instagram has poached an egg

According to widespread reports somebody on Instagram has only gone and poached an egg.  Rumours are spreading that the egg poacher may have in fact poached two concurrently and placed them artistically on some wilted...
Rubbish in Street

Piled rubbish masks smell of Birmingham city

Birmingham city council, has for the past few weeks been in the grips of a public sector strike. Birmingham’s ‘bin men’ are demanding fairer/higher wages (we’re not sure which) for collecting and moving the...

Ice Cream headache pandemic reaches CRISIS point, as heatwave TERROR continues

With millions of Britons terrified by the recent apparition of a giant ball of fire in the sky, there was further harrowing news today, with health experts confirming the sustained spell of heat will...

Another Russian bloke Putin doesn’t like poisoned a coincidence, confirms Kremlin and Dorset police

The country has breathed a sigh of relief after Wiltshire Constabulary indicated that they had not had to deploy their counter-terrorism unit, it has been confirmed. The confirmation follows the mystery illness that befell retired...
Love Actually

Christmas ruined after husband caught shagging secretary on Christmas Eve

Christmas is officially ruined after the managing director of a local advertising agency was caught by his wife bonking his secretary on Christmas Eve. Father of two Harry, 52 and a bit, was confronted by...

Brexit Cancelled as Civil Servants Finally Read “Article 50”

All nations attending Treaty discussions are only allocated one car parking space. UK plans for "Brexit" have hit the buffers after Westminster Civil Servants finally got round to Item 2 on the Brexit Committee agenda...
Paul Nuttall

Bottoms up for Nuttall

In an unprecedented move, UKIP leader and shampoo user of the year 2008, Paul Nuttall, has finally come clean about his much debated past. "Now that my position is looking shaky and that Nigel is...
Car Stuck in snow

Motorist who travelled during red weather alert furious car stuck on motorway for 15...

There were ugly scenes this morning after a motorist lost his temper having been stuck on a motorway in a major tailback for 15 hours despite numerous warnings not to travel. Cars and lorries...

Lexicographers confirm Jeremy Hunt now officially rhyming slang for idiot.

Those remarkably eloquent phonetician's over at WANCOff (The Wordsmiths, Arithmeticians and Number Crunchers Office) have enjoyed the last few years of Conservative Government. Over this period there has been a huge upsurge in idiocy in...
Meghan and Harry

Meghan Markle nominated for Oscar for her portrayal of woman in love with Prince...

As the New Year approaches rumours are already circulating about next year's Oscar nominations. An early nomination thrown into the frame is Meghan Markle.  The American actress has been nominated by the Academy for her...

White nationalists boycott Black Friday claiming all Fridays matter

A number of white nationalist groups have joined together in a boycott against the post-Thanksgiving consumer event known as Black Friday. Black Friday has been an annual event in the US for many years and...

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