National News

A picture of Omran Daqneesh, the five year old boy who was pulled from the rubble that used to be his home in Aleppo, Syria yesterday, has hit the news media by storm and...

Biologists wielding enormous magnifying glasses today discovered a newt thought to be the world's smallest living thing. This infinitesimal being has been proved by scientists to have less substance than the Tory manifesto; less conscience...

Into the breach steps the face that launched a thousand suckers, James Dyson. He wants the country to shake the dust off its feet so that he can clean up at the next election,...

Know Thyself, a charity dedicated to helping older people come to terms with physical changes, is to present Theresa May with a full length mirror. A round of applause will follow. The ceremony will be...

The BBC and ITV are to defy Conservative Party wishes and air live debates between participating parties before the upcoming June election. An inside source at Downing Street has told the Herald, "Theresa has locked...

Police in Burnley have been inundated with 999 calls after shops started stocking fresh fruit and veg. Rumours that local shops had been taking secret night time deliveries of fruit and vegetables started to circulate...

A sticker showing Prince William and The Duchess of Cambridge along with a depiction of two fingers raised in a V sign has caused some consternation in Rochdale. The sticker appeared in the back window...

The Tory Party has declared victory in its war against the disabled and announced it will re-deploy its resources in a war on pot holes. A spokesman said, "Our victory is accomplished. We...

British Unity Nationally Guaranteed Treasury Minister Terry Axe announced today that British Unity Nationally Guaranteed (aka B.U.N.G.) payments will start shortly as part of delivering the Conservative and Unionist National Transition Schedule (aka, well, never...

Angela Merkel is reported to be ecstatic about spending the summer Interrailing with Michael Gove. Gove will be Interrailing as part of the Governments plans to sell Brexit to European leaders before they reject...

The old adage has it that we're never more than six feet away from a Conservative Party leadership candidate? It's a saying that seems almost deliberately contrived to get...

The political right, bigots, misogynists, anti-feminists and liars across the country united yesterday, to fully embrace political correctness, after the opposition leader was accused of calling a stupid woman a "stupid woman". It is unclear...

People who work from home are all looking oddly suntanned for people who work at their desks for eight hours a day, leading experts have confirmed. Following extensive research by experts at the Institute of...

There was a relief for a family on the wrong side of the Pennines this afternoon, as a man with a debilitating terminal illness was finally given the right to die after a court...

The Tory Party has today promised to abolish hospital parking charges by abolishing hospitals. Tory manifesto spokesman, Bill Board told us, "We've done our research and have concluded that the leading cause of...

Buckingham Palace sources have reported that the Queen is currently trying to decide which of her Corgis to shoot first should Jeremy Corbyn be elected Prime Minister. One of our sources, speaking on condition of...