National News

Churches like those associated with Christians and Catholics are still really bloody wealthy a recent survey has shown. The news will come as no surprise to anyone really except maybe those who go to church...

As the 40th anniversary of Margaret Thatcher's first election looms, we met Gordon Ottershaw (49) of Wetherby who maintains Thatcher stole his ability to be on the right side of the class struggle. Gordon...

Michael Gove has confirmed that he will be spending New Year Eve at home for quiet night in with his eggs. The environment secretary has told The Rochdale Herald that he is planning on eating...

Thousands of satirists across the UK and their tens of readers around the world face a crisis as the supplies of ink slowed to dribble today. Analysts blame the shortage on an abnormally high...

After a petition to stop the orange Hitler visiting the Queen passed 1.7 million signatures, the tyrannical dictator offered to meet the new President in secret. Hair Force 1 arrived at Buckingham Palace just after...

In a surprise move today London councillors have confirmed plans to demolish the home of 78 year old Mr Osborn-Brooks and in its place start construction of a memorial garden to the dead burglar,...

The pie faced gravy rhyming bastard, who obtained Royal recognition for being good at throwing things made the comment after a series of ill judged drunken Tweets last night. Within them he also stated that victims...

In a stunning feat of memory and dazzling competence a husband from Rochdale has managed to put the right bin out on the right day. According to reports Steve Dickinson, 42 and a half, put...

An Emergency meeting was called at Buckingham palace earlier this week after the penny dropped with Prince Philip in regards to Brexit and complications with European immigration "Oh bollocks, I'm Greek and she's German, what if they send...

Brexiteers have been quick to point out that a post-Brexit vote increase in racism was on the other bus. Government clown Boris Johnson said, "This report is totally inaccurate and does a disservice to honest,...

A sticker showing Prince William and The Duchess of Cambridge along with a depiction of two fingers raised in a V sign has caused some consternation in Rochdale. The sticker appeared in the back window...

Britain has been warned that Brexit could be as bad as Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. The warning comes a week after the Government refused to deny that Brexit will be as bad as...

The Government is to tell young people that they should move away from urban centers in order to pay less rent. With rents increasing in many areas where jobs are plentiful rent is now taking...

Hate preacher Abu Hamza has been invited to a State Visit after Number 10 revealed that they are widening the scope of the unsavoury extremists that can benefit from such an honour. Downing Street...

Theresa May has celebrated her victory in the Tory Party's got talent final by performing a podium dance in the front 10 Downing Street. A journalist at the address told us, "I've reported on some...

Lard-loving fast food fanatics McDonald's made the announcement immediately following the news that London's sewers have been blocked by vast deposits of insoluble grease. The limited edition Monster FatburgerR will initially retail in affected parts...