The editor of poisonous bog roll manufacturer, The Daily Mail, was accused of shedding crocodile tears by The Rochdale Herald after a Polish man was beaten to death in a racist attack in Harlow in Essex.

Adel Jozwik was out buying a pizza when set upon by a mob, apparently for speaking Polish with his friends. Mr Jozwick, an immigrant, who was by all accounts a hard working member of the community, was with friends when 50 pissed up, stoned idiots, fueled by ‘patriotic’ right wing Facebook garbage posts, knocked him to the ground and kicked him until his brains literally leaked out of his ears.

Unable to pin this barbarous crime on Muslims because Muslims don’t get pissed, Paul Dacre, the editor of The Daily Mail, shoved this atrocity on Page 22 of today’s edition below an article about neighbours bickering about an ugly patch of verge. 

Badgers made page 19, statins page 13, illegal immigrants page 11, Strictly Come Dancing made the cover you shamelessly disgraceful turd-weasel.

“Well it’s hardly news is it. I mean the guy’s Polish. It says in the article he didn’t speak much English. Besides we’re not doing violent hoodies anymore, it turns out they all grow up to be Daily Mail readers. You don’t bite the hand that feeds you. You do know Rothermere has a boat to pay for?” An unnamed copywriter at The Dail Mail was allegedly heard to have said.

Our thoughts are with Mr Jozwick’s family and friends.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.