?Britain First & UKIP oddly quiet about white family abusing student visa rules

Quite why the public aren't offended by the white, middle class family trying to buck the immigration system is baffling academics as anti-immigration campaigners are strangely quiet about an Australian family who came to...
Big Ben

Big Ben to be renamed Massive Mohammed from 2018

Equality campaigners have welcomed plans to rename Big Ben as part of a project celebrating London's rich cultural heritage. The famous landmark, which is due to undergo extensive refurbishment next week, is to be called...
Chris Grayling

Chris Grayling awards ferry contract to Nigerian Prince after receiving fortuitous email

Transport Secretary, Chris Grayling has announced that the Government have awarded a contract to provide ferries in the event of a no-deal Brexit. Grayling, the man who brought you...

Warning issued after teetotal vegan non-smoker bores himself to death

Fresh concerns have been raised over the safety of healthy lifestyles after a study found that people following them invariably die eventually anyway. A team of scientists from Rochdale's Community University found that people who...
Lucky Childless Bastards

Lucky childless bastards book affordable holiday

A pair of lucky childless bastards have managed to book an off-season five star holiday to an empty resort at a cost of almost exactly fuck all. Mark and Emma Warner, 37 and 32, found...
Range Rover

It’s the will of the people – Jaguar Land Rover tells redundant employees

Jaguar Land Rover has told employees that by making them redundant they are carrying out the will of the British people. Employee Bill Board told us, "It came as...
Prince Philip

Prince Philip deemed fit to work after ATOS work capability assessment

Prince Philip has today gone under the knife for surgery on his dodgy hip. However 30 minutes later he was deemed fit to work in an ATOS work capability assessment. "He's able to walk, talk and use his...

Government announces Festival of Brexit will be held in derelict car manufacturing plants

The Government has announced a new exciting celebration of Brexit. Speaking exclusively to The Rochdale Herald, Government insider Cliff Edge told us, "The festival will be a celebration of everything that is great about Brexit...
Theresa May

Theresa May negotiates paying full price for a DFS sofa

Theresa May has succeeded in negotiating paying full price on a sofa from DFS. Mrs May was returning from Salzburg following the most disappointing trip to Austria since Kara Mustafa got to 17th Century Vienna...
Lemmings jumpring from cliff

Lemming suicide myth rebunked

For many years the myth persisted that Lemmus lemmus, known to you and I as the lemming, would inexplicably hurl itself into the abyss during their annual migration. Or is it a myth? Researchers...
Audi

Sixty grand on four wheel drive for one off drive to work in snow...

A man has confirmed that his choice of Audi Quattro was justified by the recent inclement weather. Chris Lupton spent most of the morning in his office sharing knowing glances and discrete nods of acknowledgement...

Fat Controller to be renamed Big Boned Team Leader in Thomas revamp’

Anti-bullying & equality campaigners have praised plans by children's show Thomas the Tank Engine to highlight modern issues in the latest series of the classic show. Producers confirmed that the show's famous Railway Controller Sir...
Jeremy Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn pictured laying wreath with international terrorists, arms dealers and mass murderers

Jeremy Corbyn is once again under fire after being photographed at a wreath laying event with a bunch of  terrorists, mass murderers, international arms dealers and baby killers. The Labour leader had been asked why...

Unemployed mother on benefits knocked up AGAIN

It's all over social media that an unemployed mother on state benefits, who already has two kids, is knocked up yet again.
James Hewitt

James Hewitt ‘THRILLED’ at Prince Harry’s engagement to Megan Markle

James Hewitt has said he's 'thrilled' at the announcement of the engagement of Prince Harry to 'some sort from America'. "Many people don't know this, but I knew Harry's mother for many years and I...
Rochdale-missile-launch.jpg

Rochdale’s secret Nuclear Past REVEALED

Shock revelations have shaken Rochdale to its very core as documents from the cold war have been declassified, revealing that the 7 sisters were a nuclear missile launch site throughout the 70's and 80's,...

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