Big Ben

Big Ben to be renamed Massive Mohammed from 2018

Equality campaigners have welcomed plans to rename Big Ben as part of a project celebrating London's rich cultural heritage. The famous landmark, which is due to undergo extensive refurbishment next week, is to be called...
Prince Philip

Prince Philip deemed fit to work after ATOS work capability assessment

Prince Philip has today gone under the knife for surgery on his dodgy hip. However 30 minutes later he was deemed fit to work in an ATOS work capability assessment. "He's able to walk, talk and use his...
Demolition

Council demolish victim’s home to erect memorial garden for dead burglar

In a surprise move today London councillors have confirmed plans to demolish the home of 78 year old Mr Osborn-Brooks and in its place start construction of a memorial garden to the dead burglar,...

One dead and two critical after fight over last packet of burger buns

At approximately one o'clock this afternoon emergency services were dispatched to the Cooperative convenience store in Middleton. The initial response was to investigate a report anti social behaviour. Reports since indicate that fighting had broken...

Fat Controller to be renamed Big Boned Team Leader in Thomas revamp’

Anti-bullying & equality campaigners have praised plans by children's show Thomas the Tank Engine to highlight modern issues in the latest series of the classic show. Producers confirmed that the show's famous Railway Controller Sir...
organ donors

Everybody who needs new kidney to get one as fair weather motorcyclists venture outside

The recent heat wave has meant that part-time riders and fair weather Valentino Rossi wannabes are venturing into the garage to wheel out their overpowered, underused motorcycles into daylight. This bi-annual phenomenon coincides with what...

People who make flammable models to face higher standard of justice than people who...

The people who burnt a model of the Grenfell tower on bonfire should face a much higher standard of justice than the people who made the flats into a tinderbox in the first place...

?Britain First & UKIP oddly quiet about white family abusing student visa rules

Quite why the public aren't offended by the white, middle class family trying to buck the immigration system is baffling academics as anti-immigration campaigners are strangely quiet about an Australian family who came to...
Chris Grayling

Chris Grayling awards ferry contract to Nigerian Prince after receiving fortuitous email

Transport Secretary, Chris Grayling has announced that the Government have awarded a contract to provide ferries in the event of a no-deal Brexit. Grayling, the man who brought you...
Rochdale-missile-launch.jpg

Rochdale’s secret Nuclear Past REVEALED

Shock revelations have shaken Rochdale to its very core as documents from the cold war have been declassified, revealing that the 7 sisters were a nuclear missile launch site throughout the 70's and 80's,...

Stop calling us liars, lying racist shitsticks tell Microsoft

The Daily Mail is calling for a web browser alert that tells readers that prolonged exposure to its website will turn them into completely racist bellends to be changed.

Theresa May to Naked Mud Wrestle Nicola Sturgeon for the Right to Trigger Brexit

British Prime Minister Theresa May is to mud wrestle naked with Scottish nationalist leader Nicola Sturgeon for the right to trigger article 50 to take the United Kingdom out the European Union. Sources close to the prime...
Nigel Farage

If it wasn’t for my £4m house and investment portfolio I’d be practically penniless,...

Nigel Farage, the former leader of Ukip, has told The Rochdale Herald that if it wasn't for his £4M house, his £2.5M investment portfolio and his EU pensions he'd be practically skint. During an interview...
Wetherspoons

Wetherspoons to rebrand as “Special Circle of Hell”

Pub chain Wetherspoons is to re-brand as the Special Circle of Hell following an endorsement by EU President Donald Tusk. A spokesman for the company told us, "Donald Tusk...

Warning issued after teetotal vegan non-smoker bores himself to death

Fresh concerns have been raised over the safety of healthy lifestyles after a study found that people following them invariably die eventually anyway. A team of scientists from Rochdale's Community University found that people who...
Jeremy Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn pictured laying wreath with international terrorists, arms dealers and mass murderers

Jeremy Corbyn is once again under fire after being photographed at a wreath laying event with a bunch of  terrorists, mass murderers, international arms dealers and baby killers. The Labour leader had been asked why...

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