National News

We are pleased to report that racial prejudice worldwide has been solved by white people blacking up their social media accounts.  From your mum's friend Karen on Facebook to Fitness_Fanatic22 on Instagram,...

Boris Johnson has said that Britain shouldn't be ashamed about the BBC's decision to spend £250m on non-existent PPE for the Last Night of the Proms. Mr Johnson said, "We should be proud...

Following the overwhelming success of the Department of Education's strategy of grading academic exam results based on teachers' predicted grades and previous attainment levels, the government has announced a plan to determine...

Dominic Raab has announced that Britain is set to sign a very lucrative tax avoidance deal with Lichtenstein. A Government spokesman said, "This is a very important deal we've signed. There's every chance...

A Starbucks in Manchester was evacuated today after a man called Alan Akbar ordered a Caramel Frappuccino. Alan told us, "I was out shopping and fancied a quick coffee....

A man has told the Rochdale Herald that he's protecting the statue of Winston Churchill in Whitehall because, "You'd be speaking German if it wasn't for Churchill", before giving a Nazi salute....

Priti Patel, Minister for whatever the heck it is she does has been one of the first Government Ministers to congratulate Boris Johnson and Carrie Symonds on the birth of their son. Ms...

Conspiracy theorists have reported feeling conflicted after scientists revealed that wearing a mask protects wearers from 5G. Lab Tech, Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College told us, " Recent research suggests that people wearing...

Austrian incest enthusiast, Josef Fritzl has been awarded a Knighthood in the New Years honours list. The list, released today recognises a range of people from a wide range of areas across...

British Prime Minister Theresa May is to mud wrestle naked with Scottish nationalist leader Nicola Sturgeon for the right to trigger article 50 to take the United Kingdom out the European Union. Sources close to the prime...

An entire elderly skydiving display team has died in a tragic accident in Essex this weekend after replacing their parachutes with an optimistic attitude. The incident happened during the...

Middle class mums all over the Home Counties are being credited with a reversal to the effects of Global Warming after tens of thousands of them drove enormous Range Rovers to their...

Quite why the public aren't offended by the white, middle class family trying to buck the immigration system is baffling academics as anti-immigration campaigners are strangely quiet about an Australian family who came to...

There are rumours circulating today that Prince Philip will get a central role in a new series of, The Walking Dead. The show depicts characters trying to stay alive following a zombie apocalypse....

Police have released details of a massively successful anti-drugs operation conducted with the help of Shaun Ryder and Bez. As the son of a police Detective Inspector, Bez feels very strongly about the fight...

There were touching scenes at The Moderates against Moderation riot in the car park outside Rochdale's now infamous Waitrose as police and rioters came together to help a fat man out of his trousers. Steve...