Sajid Javid

Sajid Javid accidentally deports himself to Pakistan

Sajid Javid has accidentally deported himself to Pakistan. A Home Office spokesman said, "Mr Javid has said that a hard Brexit is a good thing as it means a more robust immigration policy can be...

Jeremy Corbyn in Right Wing Political Correctness Storm

The political right, bigots, misogynists, anti-feminists and liars across the country united yesterday, to fully embrace political correctness, after the opposition leader was accused of calling a stupid woman a "stupid woman". It is unclear...

Queen’s Christmas speech will contain one paragraph in Urdu

There are rumours today that the Queen's Christmas speech will contain one paragraph in Urdu. A furious Palace insider told us, "It's completely ridiculous. I've heard the Queen isn't happy about it but the Government...
Stevenage

Slums angered after being compared to Stevenage by Lewis Hamilton

Lewis Hamilton has upset slums all over the world by comparing them to Stevenage. The five-time Formula 1 world champion made the faux pas while on stage losing the BBC Sports Personality of the Year...
Heating on

Northern Dad puts heating on

Confirmed reports are in that a Northern Dad in Lancashire has put the central heating on. Airports throughout the UK have been closed, all trains have been cancelled and the army has been put on...
Rees Mogg

You lost get over it, Jacob Rees-Mogg told

Jacob Rees-Mogg has been told to get over losing the no confidence vote in Theresa May last night. Mr Rees-Mogg heads the European Research Group which is to European research what Andrew Wakefield is to...
Jeremy Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn pictured laying wreath with international terrorists, arms dealers and mass murderers

Jeremy Corbyn is once again under fire after being photographed at a wreath laying event with a bunch of  terrorists, mass murderers, international arms dealers and baby killers. The Labour leader had been asked why...

People who make flammable models to face higher standard of justice than people who...

The people who burnt a model of the Grenfell tower on bonfire should face a much higher standard of justice than the people who made the flats into a tinderbox in the first place...
Dignity

Bin man feared dead after ship called Dignity found wrecked off west coast

Fears are growing this evening for a Glasgow bin man whose boat has been found wrecked off the west coast of Scotland. The man, a worker for Glasgow council for twenty years, known to his...
Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn urges Labour MP’s to get behind Theresa May or risk making him...

Jeremy Corbyn has told Labour MP's that they had better get behind Theresa May and her, "And then there were none" vision of Brexit otherwise he risks becoming Prime Minister. One MP told us, "Jeremy...
Rees Mogg

Universal Credit cheaper way to kill the poor than building gas chambers, says Jacob...

Jacob Rees-Mogg has astounded many people by stating that the Universal Credit fiasco is the cheapest way the Government has come up with to kill off the poor and unemployed. Government spokesman, Cliff Edge said,...
Tommy Robinson

Muslims should respect our laws, says racist in prison for breaking our laws

Today crowds of nearly a few dozen have gathered outside Downing Street armed with Placards stating "free are Tommy" and two Netto bags full of premium strength lager. They are protesting the imprisonment of Luton...
Heart Attack

What do you mean bride’s father pays? Asks Meghan Markle’s father before heart attack

It's been suggested that Meghan Markle's dad had a heart attack shortly after being told that the brides father should pay for his daughters wedding. Family member, Johannes Atlanta Florida Mississippi III told us, "The...

Scottish government urged to act as Edinburgh chip shop caught selling deep-fried HEROIN

Health campaigners in Scotland have urged the SNP government to take immediate action after an Edinburgh chip shop was found to be selling deep-fried Class A drugs. Described by some as "possibly the most Scottish...
Elmer Fudd

Elmer Fudd resigns as Home Secretary

The Home Secretary Elmer Fudd has resigned, Downing Street has said. Mr Fudd, was due to make a Commons Statement on Monday about the Windrush scandal, but has instead chosen to remain "vewy, vewy quiet"...
Kate and William

New royal baby to be called DIANA and raised as a GIRL

Buckingham Palace has sought to quash rumours that the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are set to call their new baby boy 'Diana' and then raise him as a girl. In a memo leaked to...

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