?Britain First & UKIP oddly quiet about white family abusing student visa rules

Quite why the public aren't offended by the white, middle class family trying to buck the immigration system is baffling academics as anti-immigration campaigners are strangely quiet about an Australian family who came to...

Prince Andrew to move to Thailand for 6 months

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Prince Andrew has announced plans to spend 6 months of the year living in Thailand. The Prince will then spend the other 6 months living in London. In a statement a spokesman for the Prince...

Brexiteer skydiving team dies in tragic accident after replacing parachutes with optimism

An entire elderly skydiving display team has died in a tragic accident in Essex this weekend after replacing their parachutes with an optimistic attitude. The incident happened during the Festival of Brexit in Clacton-on-Sea on...

Power vacuum at the top of British politics sponsored by Dyson

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Into the breach steps the face that launched a thousand suckers, James Dyson. He wants the country to shake the dust off its feet so that he can clean up at the next election,...
Mrs Brown's Boys

Anne Frank’s diary found to contain script for pilot episode of Mrs Brown’s Boys

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The wartime diary of Anne Frank has been found to contain a script for the pilot episode of Mrs. Brown's Boys. Recent imaging analysis of the diary, which was maintained by the Jewish teenager from...
James Hewitt

James Hewitt ‘THRILLED’ at Prince Harry’s engagement to Megan Markle

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James Hewitt has said he's 'thrilled' at the announcement of the engagement of Prince Harry to 'some sort from America'. "Many people don't know this, but I knew Harry's mother for many years and I...
Roger Moore

Pope to make Roger Moore a saint…

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In a surprise move, the Pope has announced plans to beatify Roger Moore, the popular actor who has very sadly passed away today. The Pope was a keen fan of the 1960s TV show and had...
Tommy Robinson

Muslims should respect our laws, says racist in prison for breaking our laws

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Today crowds of nearly a few dozen have gathered outside Downing Street armed with Placards stating "free are Tommy" and two Netto bags full of premium strength lager. They are protesting the imprisonment of Luton...
Stonehenge

Druids “fecking knackered” after moving Stonehenge an hour forward

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With the season now officially spring, clocks up and down the nations have been moved forward one hour to adjust to British Summer Time; or if you are from Burnley, they just happen to...
Checkout

Environment saved and global warming halted as Rochdale man takes own carrier bag to...

Environmentalists have conceded that the environment has been saved and the ice caps are no longer melting after a Rochdale man remembered to take a carrier bag with him to Asda this afternoon. Rochdale man...
White Patio Furniture

Patio chair braces himself for Storm Brian

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A patio chair in Milnrow is bracing himself for an absolutely terrible few days after news that yet another storm with high winds is brewing. The white plastic chair, part of a set of four...

New British Sign Language gesture devised to mean ‘Daily Telegraph reader’.

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Users of British Sign Language (BSL) have adopted an addition to their vocabulary. This is a reaction to a front page article in the Daily Telegraph claiming that Manchester students were being told to 'do...
Nigel Farage

If it wasn’t for my £4m house and investment portfolio I’d be practically penniless,...

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Nigel Farage, the former leader of Ukip, has told The Rochdale Herald that if it wasn't for his £4M house, his £2.5M investment portfolio and his EU pensions he'd be practically skint. During an interview...

Daily Mail demands children be taught anatomy using dead bodies of their teachers

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The Daily Mail has today announced that school pupils in England should be taught anatomy using the dead bodies of their previously living teachers. In an article entitled, 'Let our teachers be heros' ...
Neath

Earthquake rescue workers reassured that Wales is fine, it’s supposed to look like that

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Earthquake rescue teams from around the globe were told to stand down today after they descended en masse on Neath in South Wales following reports of a massive humanitarian disaster. Search and Rescue teams from...
Laptop Office Thumbs Up

Software update happens at convenient time

A laptop in an office in Rochdale has undergone a comprehensive software update without completely screwing up his owner’s day. The laptop, which is an old Dell that has been dropped several times, made the...

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