Earthquake rescue teams from around the globe were told to stand down today after they descended en masse on Grimsby in Lincolnshire following reports of a massive humanitarian disaster.

Search and Rescue teams from the Red Cross and Medecins Sans Frontier were responding to images of devastation in Grimsby after the town was hit by an earth tremor registering 3.9 on the Richter Scale.

“When I saw the pictures of Grimsby on the internet, we knew we had to come and try to find some survivors in the rubble.” A spokesman for the UN Earthquake Relief Team told The Rochdale Herald.

“But apparently that’s just what Grimsby looks like on a Saturday morning. We had sent teams with sniffer dogs and specialist listening equipment because looking at the images of the town centre we genuinely didn’t think anybody could possibly have survived that.”

“But apparently that’s just what the place looks like.”