Tuesday, December 18, 2018

Outrage after child attends school Halloween party dressed as a MOSQUE

A group of parents is said to have been left "absolutely fummin (sic)" after a child turned up to a local Halloween party dressed as a mosque. The child, understood to be a seven year-old...
Queen and Philip

The Queen asks Merkel to form a government

Her Majesty the Queen is expected to travel to Berlin later today to ask German Chancellor Angela Merkel to form a government for the United Kingdom. This morning the royal spokesperson stated, "With such a pathetic...
James Hewitt

James Hewitt ‘THRILLED’ at Prince Harry’s engagement to Megan Markle

James Hewitt has said he's 'thrilled' at the announcement of the engagement of Prince Harry to 'some sort from America'. "Many people don't know this, but I knew Harry's mother for many years and I...
Jeremy Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn pictured laying wreath with international terrorists, arms dealers and mass murderers

Jeremy Corbyn is once again under fire after being photographed at a wreath laying event with a bunch of  terrorists, mass murderers, international arms dealers and baby killers. The Labour leader had been asked why...

Geordie accused of ‘cultural appropriation’ after wearing jacket during night out

A Geordie is being criticised by social media users for posting an Instagram photo of her wearing a jacket during a night out on Tyneside. 26-year-old hairdresser, Cheryl Weedy, revealed her new look on Thursday...
Theresa May

Theresa May negotiates paying full price for a DFS sofa

Theresa May has succeeded in negotiating paying full price on a sofa from DFS. Mrs May was returning from Salzburg following the most disappointing trip to Austria since Kara Mustafa got to 17th Century Vienna...
The Stig

Muslim women swap burkas for Stig costumes to appeal to middle aged white men

A new experimental initiative has seen numerous British Muslim women swap their traditional full face veils for an outfit made popular by Top Gear's "The Stig." The aim of the trial is to make both...
Dignity

Bin man feared dead after ship called Dignity found wrecked off west coast

Fears are growing this evening for a Glasgow bin man whose boat has been found wrecked off the west coast of Scotland. The man, a worker for Glasgow council for twenty years, known to his...
Mo Farah

QUEEN defends herself from MUSLIM IMMIGRANT with SWORD

According to reports in the Daily Mail today the Queen has been forced to defend herself from a marauding Muslim immigrant with a sword. A Daily Express staff witness said: "Liz was forced to tap...
Paul Nuttall

Britain’s oldest man, Paul Nuttall, has died.

Sir Paul Nuttall, VC, OBE, Ph.D, passed away peacefully in his sleep yesterday, hours before his 108th birthday. Sir Paul was the first man to swim the Channel underwater (he did it for a bet...
Bono

Several million Irish sign petition to tie Bono to a fecking kite

The good people of the Emerald Isle know how to take advantage of this windy bollocks A petition to "tie Bono to a fecking kite" is now the most popular petition of Irish origins on...
Teenage Pregnancy

Sex education in primary schools should be banned, says Burnley gran, 19

Sex education has been given the thumbs down by Burnley gran Ellie-Mae-Leigh Horne. 19 year old Ellie-Mae-Leigh, whose eldest daughter Chelsea-Leigh has just given birth herself, was outraged. "It just shouldn't happen, innit," she said,...

Stonehenge to be knocked down to make way for new Super-Mosque

Details leaked from an article due to be published in the Daily Mail show plans to bulldoze the famous neolithic landmark to make way for a place of worship for Salisbury Plain's burgeoning Muslim...

Hundreds arrested in dawn raids for not wearing a poppy

More than 300 people have been arrested as part of an operation to prevent people who aren’t wearing a poppy to be seen in public today.
Meghan and Harry

Aggressive beggars to marry in Windsor Castle in May

People across the country have been delighted by the recent news that one of the UK's sponsored panhandlers has decided to let a wealthy, successful actress share his state benefits by marrying her at...
First year student can't wait to get home to tell her pony all about Marxism

First year student can’t wait to get home to tell her pony all about...

A first year student at the University of Bristol is said to be very excited about getting home for Christmas so she can tell her pony all about Marxism. Tabitha van Beckwithshaw from Harrogate, a...

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